Matos-Masei 5784: How to Correct Baseless Hatred

Sponsored
We Need Your Help to Ensure the
Future of Sichos Yisroel!

Consider sponsoring a shiur
Visit YTATorah.org

Shiur given in 5771

---

Reasons for Sinas Chinam

We are in the Three Weeks now, together with the whole world, and we are trying to think about this period. Today’s shiur is going to focus a bit on understanding the three weeks from a psychological standpoint. The Chafetz Chaim, in his sefer Ahavas Yisrael, discusses the reasons why people don’t like each other. Now, the first thing you have to understand is that human psychology is at work overtime whenever we have social interaction. When we encounter people, whether face to face or from a distance, or even through somebody else introducing me to that person, the human being always establishes a platform: do I like that person, or do I not like that person. It’s the strangest thing, if you notice it. If you see the same person, unless something new happens, you have already formed your opinion about him. You already decided whether he’s one of your chevra, or he’s not one of your chevra; whether you like him, or you don’t like him. And anybody who tells me he’s not one of those kinds of guys, and he doesn’t come to such conclusions, so either he’s either out of touch or he’s a super-mentsch.

Now, what is the singular emotion that causes someone not to like someone? What is the strongest emotion? Can anybody tell me? The answer is: jealousy. If you tell people that, you know what a lot of people say? “Oh me? Oh no, I’m not jealous.” I love people who tell me, “I’m not nosy. I’m not jealous.” You can trust me – people are jealous of others and they don’t even realize it. So, we need to analyze the things that arouse a person’s jealousy, as they are often areas where people believe they have no shaychus to jealousy.

Causes of Jealousy: (1) Something You Don’t Have

The first thing to understand is that a person is extremely jealous of his friend when he sees that he has something that people value. For example, wealth. If you have the brachah of money, people are going to be jealous of you. You have to know that. Firstly, it’s a good thing to know for yourself that if you ever have a brachah of money, try to keep it close to the vest because the average person who didn’t work on jealousy will be jealous of you. Or let’s say you have assets. Or you get a new car. So what does every fool who gets a new car do? It’s unbelievable. You get a second-hand shmatta deluxe from a used car lot, and you convince everybody that you got, first of all, a metziah for a ganav. Second of all, if the guy is not jealous about that, you tell him, “You know my car has a shtick that very few other cars have. My car sings. My car dances. My car talks. Whatever you want.” The guy will make up stories. This guy is asking for tzaros. He’s begging for tzaros.

You have to know, when you see somebody who has osher nechasim, it automatically arouses jealousy. Just recently, a young man came over to me and said, “You know, I came to an awareness. I really don’t like anybody who is cool. All my life, I never liked cool people. Even in different environments. In yeshivah, out of yeshivah. Cool guys, shtatzy guys – they all bother me. I really don’t like them.” I said, “Do you know why?” He said, “I’m not sure why.” I said, “You’re jealous.” “Oh no, I never wanted to be a cool guy.” “I know, but you felt bad you weren’t a cool guy. You knew you could not be one, so you know what you said? I don’t want to be one.” That was a defense mechanism. You see a guy who has that swagger, the guy is just comfortable, walks into a room, walks into a group like אני ואפסי עוד, “I am, and there is none but me” (Zephaniah 2:15). He has his hat just on the right side. His shirt is just the right kind of shirt. This kind of guy creates jealousy in a person. You get jealous of the person. You’re mekaneh because of what Hashem gave him and did for him. Sometimes you get a cool guy, and he seems to be more matzliach. Whatever it is. Maybe he knows how to handel himself in the gemara, and the guy bugs the daylights out of you. Cool guy with a cool hat knows the gemara. Chutzpah! Or he’s good at ball. He knows how to throw the basketball and puts his foot up behind him a little bit. A heimishe guy, you know what I mean?

Kinah brings a person to dislike somebody. That’s what it does. That’s one of the foremost causes for disliking someone. It could be that the guy is smarter than you. If the guy is smarter than you, you’re mekaneh him, so you have to find a reason to dislike him. You have to think about that. You know why? It creates the strangest situations that make no sense.

I know people who dislike rabbanim. I know a particular big rosh yeshivah – and a lot of people dislike him. I asked people, “What do you dislike about him?” You know what people used to say? “You know how rich that guy is?” I said, “What difference does it make? He’s self-supporting. He owns nursing homes.” “He walks around like he owns the world.” I said, “So the guy doesn’t need a big salary from the yeshivah. When the yeshivah didn’t have money, it didn’t affect him. Baruch Hashem, he has his own independent income. Who cares?”

A lot of times you go to a rav and you see that he lives very pashut. You say, ah! You like him. You know why you like him? Because at least I have more than him. I’m not mekaneh him. It’s a peledike zach.

Recently, there was a guy who went to meet a couple of anashim gedolim. He comes from a very fancy background. He went to people who live very simply, not stam pashut. He said, “Those are the people I was very attracted to.” Of course.

You have people who put down others who are tall. There are some people who feel bad that they’re not tall, so comes along a longe luksh, a long spaghetti, and they make up all kinds of things about him. He’s a big oaf. What’s pshat? I’m not like that. That’s what bothers him.

That’s number one. A person has to think about this. You have to think clearly to understand this about yourself.

(2) Jealousy Between Tradesmen

Number two. It’s very common that you have a certain tradesman who is very knowledgeable in his trade, and he becomes publicized as a good tradesman. For a bachur, I would say sometimes you have a bachur who taka knows how to learn. He has a klor kup. Or lehavdil you have a bachur who on the basketball court knows how to shoot a back shot and get it in the hoop. People talk about him, and he gets a little praise. Other tradesmen don’t like it. I knew a certain doctor who was a good doctor. A very, very good doctor in a very good institution. But the other doctors gave him an appellation. They put the word “crazy” before his name. Let’s say his name was Eddy. They called him Crazy Eddy. I learned (Torah classes) with a number of doctors. I said, “Oh, Crazy Eddy? I met that doctor.” I said, “You know, it’s amazing. For a crazy guy, he has lots and lots of patients. Isn’t it amazing how a person could have all these patients and be crazy?” But that’s exactly why he’s ‘crazy’ you understand, because that guy had all the patients, and the other doctors couldn’t get as many. It’s the same thing with lawyers. In every single professional field, there are examples of this. If you are playing basketball, one guy gets praise for it, and it bothers others.

(3) Someone Receives Kavod

Number three. Sometimes, a person is more honorable. He’s getting more kavod than you are for no apparent reason, and you can’t take it. Why is that person getting more kavod? It could be in a yeshivah. It could be in a shul. It could be in a family environment. Now, you don’t understand this because you’re always running after the kavod. That guy doesn’t even seem to be running after the kavod. That person, that child, that student, that member, that person in the yeshivah, in the school, in the workplace seems to be getting kavod even though you’re the guy running after the kavod. But kavod runs away from you. Sometimes, instead of the kavod, you know what you get? Bizyonos. Therefore, you can’t take the other person.

(4) Someone Has Ma’alos

The fourth psychology lesson, says the Chafetz Chaim, is that many times somebody else has ma’alos and middos tovos that you don’t have, and that person becomes publicized. Everybody knows he has this ma’alah. Now even though you know that you don’t have that ma’alah, you have a very bad eye on the praises and on the ma’alos that the other person has. This is the sinas chinam that comes from jealousy that someone has more ma’alos than you.

I know a certain rosh yeshivah whom people didn’t like. You know why? As he walked down the street, he didn’t shuffle. He wasn’t one of these guys who walked with his head low to the ground. He strutted down the street, calm like a cucumber. He was thinking in learning the whole time as he would walk down the streets. People said, “What a cool guy.” What’s he doing wrong? Is he bothering anybody? He’s learning. He was always oreingetun in learning – but he always looked relaxed, and calm. He didn’t look like one of these guys who is always be’metach, with a pressure on him. You meet some rabbanim and they look stressed and overwhelmed. You know people have a picture of tzaddikim – they’resupposed to walk bent over. Their beard is supposed to look uncool, like Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman – his beard was in all directions. Oh! That’s how a gadol is supposed to look. A little short man. Oh! Now we can fargin him. If you see a big guy you think, “That’s a Rav?” Rav Elchonon was a six-footer. He stood out. “How could that be a gadol?” That’s what people think.

You have somebody who never looks like he breaks a sweat. He’s always easygoing. Worries, he doesn’t have. And it bugs the daylights out of you. “A chutzpah! How could you have no worries? What kind of rights do you have to not have worries? I’m worried about everything. I don’t have your responsibility, and you’re not worried. You’re chilled out about everything.” People can’t stand when someone else has ma’alos. People don’t like ma’alos. This creates kinah. So we have four different types of jealousies that people have.

How To Avoid Kinah

Just as an eitzah tovah, if you are the subject of the kinah,you can do two things. First, try to avoid other people knowing about the bracha you have in the first place, as much as possible. Secondly, if you can’t hide it, then at least be friendly to other people who you could understand might feel like the underdog because of you. Be friendly to them. It doesn’t always help, but if you befriend them, it often takes the edge off the jealousy they may feel, instead of you seemingly looking down condescendingly on them.

A person who is jealous should know this: A lot of these big people are not looking down at you. They’re in their own world and they don’t take notice of you. They don’t realize you have these lemons stuck under your tongue, so they don’t realize how bitter your mouth is. If they would know, they would come and say hello to you. They don’t realize that you want to talk to them. They don’t chap whether you’re involved with them or not. If a person understands how to relate to people who are jealous of them, and how to relate to people they are jealous of, that’s a very important thing to iron out bumps in relationships.

I once knew a fellow who was very very tall and a very big mutzlach. The guy was Mr. Success at the age of 15 already. I mean to the point that he carried himself in yeshivah as if he was the rosh yeshivah. He wore a long coat, even on the weekdays. He came from that kind of family, chassidish. He had an excuse why he did it. He had big peyos. He carried himself off like a master rosh yeshivah. He was very nice to everybody. A certain person once told me that it ate him up alive. This fellow, Mr. Success once came into the yeshivah and he walked over to a guy. He gave him a varmer shalom aleichem, and he said, “What could we do for you?” The guy said, “What do you mean?” He said, “Are you hungry? Come, let’s eat something.” He mamash gave the guy the star treatment. The guy thought the guy was for sure the rosh yeshivah. Then he found out that the bachur was much younger than him. The guy pashut told me it ate him up alive.

I said to him, “Why did it eat you alive? That fellow was very nice to you. He gave you a lot of kavod. He treated you like a royal citizen.” And he did it to everybody. The people in the yeshivah disliked him. But they couldn’t have any ta’anos on the guy. He just said, “How can I help you?” Did he do something wrong? He was a macher. He was a go-getter. He knew how to put things together. The guy went to Eretz Yisrael and became very successful.

I remember people told me to go see this guy. I remember I went davka to see him and I watched him. I saw he wasn’t bothering anybody, but he had a very aristocratic appearance. He was like six foot three, six foot four. He carried it well. He had this hat, a nice hat, up-brim hat. He had a beard and peyos. The guy looked chashuv. He looked way beyond his years. Then he made a big shtoltzy matzav in Eretz Yisrael. He put out sefarim. He had gedolim who encouraged him. They trusted him. I was watching him. The guy didn’t do anything wrong.

You know what the pshat was? Everybody was mekaneh him. The guy didn’t forget his friends. Even when he became big, he didn’t forget them. He once made a matzav in Eretz Yisrael, and he sent tickets to his former rebbi’im to come. Even Rav Shteinman was there. Rav Chaim Kanievsky was thinking of coming. He had people there who were mamash chashuvim. I was nispael. I said, “This guy is pure class. He’s a class act. That’s what he is.” There are some people that are very classy. People said, “He’s condescending. He’s trying to make me his chassid.”They had twisted minds. The guy is being nice to you instead of stepping on you and telling you you’re a gornisht. The guy is trying to treat you like a respected mentsch. But no, they said, “Ah, he’s trying to make me a chassid.” That’s a big lie, you have to understand.

An Aveirah In Your Heart Every Second

You have to understand this is how kinah works. If you don’t understand this and you deny it, you should know you have inside, the cancer of jealousy. It festers and it eats you up, and you become bitter and you become a rasha because every single second sinas chinam exists, it is one of the worst aveiros that’s shayach.

Rabeinu Bachaye, in his sefer Kad Hakemach, writes as follows. שנאת חינם הוא חולי קשה, it’s a very severe illness, ראש לכל עבירות שבתורה.^[i] You hear that? Unbelievable. People forget the mishnah. It says in Avos (4:21): הקנאה והתאוה והכבוד מוציאין את האדם מן העולם. Rav Chaim Vital writes it’s worse than all other aveiros. You know why? Because all the other aveiros you’re only over on them besha’as ma’aseh. But sinas chinam, every second that it’s in your heart, you’re over lo sisna and you’re mevatel ואהבת לרעך כמוך.

The gemara in Sanhedrin (27b, 29a) says that if you didn’t speak to somebody for three days because you’re upset at them, you are a sonei and you’re pasul to be a dayan for that person. Now, do you know how common it is that because of the smallest issue, people end up being in a matzav of sinas chinam. Let’s say a guy gives you mussar. Or a guy didn’t do what you wanted. You have complaints. Now, even though you’re saying you’re not going to show the sinah gemurah, the real sinah is not going to be shown. But you know what? You don’t want to meet each other. People say, “Right, now I’m at odds with him. I’m not comfortable with him right now.” You want to know something? You’re called a sonei, says the Chafetz Chaim, and you’re over on the lav of לא תשנא את אחיך בלבבך.

The Litmus Test of Hate

I guarantee you that everybody in this room could sit down and write a list of people he’d rather not meet now. People he has no interest in meeting. No interest in being with or talking to. That means you’re a sonei of that person. I don’t care if he’s in Eretz Yisrael right now, I don’t care if he’s in a different state, if you don’t want to meet that person, it means you don’t want to talk to the guy because you’re upset with the guy. You’re not good together.

People hold it in. Everybody plays this great bluff game. We pretend to ourselves that we don’t really hate someone, but really if we were being honest, we’d recognize the jealousy and the hate. Therefore, a mentsch has to know avoiding people because you are at odds with them, comes from serious, severe sins.

Discovering Solutions for Jealousy

Now, how do you counter these challenges? The first reason for sinas chinam we mentioned is that a person is mekaneh his friend because he has some type of advantage. He has something he would like to have.

I remember there was once a yungerman in yeshivah many, many years ago. He was married to a very wealthy girl, he had a wealthy father-in-law, and the father-in-law was machshiv Torah ad lashamayim. There were a lot of yungeleit then in those days, sixty yungeleit, a lot of chashuvim. He was the only yungerman that didn’t have to worry about money at all. He was the only yungerman who drove a brand new car. The only yungerman who never spoke about money. A lot of yungeleit when they first get married, if you ever listen to them talk, they all talk about money. Nach a few dollars, nach a few dollars. How do you get into this program, that program? They’re all mezakeh each other. It’s all about how to make another few dollars. This guy was one of the nicest, sweetest guys around. He really was. But I saw people were always waiting for him to make a mistake.

Wealth: Why Is Osher Given to Someone?

That’s how people are. When you see somebody who has wealth, you have to always think, says the Chafetz Chaim, the following: Osher is given to a person for one of two reasons. Number one: Hakadosh Baruch Hu knows that that person is an ish tov verachaman and with the wealth Hakadosh Baruch Hu grants him, he will do tov vechessed with many poor and downtrodden people. Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave this fellow money to pashut serve a gizbar, a treasurer, to give to aniyim.

I just met such a person. A person who went from rags to riches, mamash. The guy used to be a car driver. He had a car service. And then the guy became wealthy. And the fellow pashut is meitiv with every shlepper deluxe who can get hold of him. He’s a very, very giving person.  I know people who are close to this person. Whenever someone calls this fellow, he says, “Nu, anyone new needs money? Anybody new getting married in town?” It’s amazing how the guy takes an interest in private people. He has a rule. He is very nice to people, and he can give a meshulach a very, very nice check. A lot of meshulachim told me they got between $2,000 and $5,000 from him. Many meshulachim told me this. He has a rule, though: “Don’t ever tell me thanks twice.” You see, the teva of people is that when somebody gives you a nice check, your tongue starts to hang out, and you want to know what you can do for the guy. So you say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” and you become like אנחנו כורעים ומשתחוים to that guy.

I once met the guy when he was being honored somewhere. I said to him, “I came to this affair out of respect for you and out of appreciation.” You know what he said? “You’re wasting your time.” I said why? He said, “I’m just doing my job.” That’s what he told me. I said, “Well, I appreciate you’re doing your job. That’s why I came out of respect for you. The respect I have for you is that you do your job.”

There are very few people like that. Such a kind of person who has that kind of money, that kind of tovah, he’s a gutte mentsch. If I’d be that rich, and had his money, would I do those tovos? I’m not sure. That’s his thing in life. Hashem knows who to give it to.

Then you have the other type of mentsch. It says עושר שמור לבעליו לרעתו, “riches hoarded by their owner are to his misfortune” (Koheles 5:12). It means you have a person who’s a sinner but they did some mitzvos and Hakadosh Baruch Hu is paying the sechar in this world in order to make sure there’s no olam haba. In the end, he just eats his life up with his ashirus. If you think about that, you surely don’t want to be mekaneh such a person. You don’t know what goes on behind his doors, if he’s happy, if he’s not happy.

I know a fellow who had money, and everybody was jealous of him until they found out what was going on behind closed doors. Oy, a rachmanus. What a rachmanus, the family not stam. Ah! I can’t explain it to you.

Wealth: Do You Want To Be Like Him?

In order to be zocheh to get ashirus the positive way, a person has to ask himself: “How many tovos do I do with what I have?” If I had ashirus, would I definitely not give it out? Of course, I’d give more than I give now. But would I give it appropriately and accordingly? I am not sure.” Accept to do for others as much as you can.

Wealth: Worried About Losing Out?

Now what if a guy taka is better at learning or at his profession or at playing and now you think he’s somehow cutting into your turf? Chazal say אֵין אָדָם נוֹגֵעַ בַּמּוּכָן לַחֲבֵירוֹ וְאֵין מַלְכוּת נוֹגַעַת בַּחֲבֶרְתָּהּ אֲפִילּוּ כִּמְלֹא נִימָא, “No person may touch that which is prepared for another, and one reign does not overlap with another even a hairbreadth” (Yoma 38b).  No one could take away from you anything that’s coming to you. That’s all. Because Hakadosh Baruch Hu decides everything that you’re supposed to have, and nobody in the world can take it from you.

Honor: If You Seek It, It Runs Away

Now, you still may be disappointed that you weren’t blessed too. Why does he have more than you? Why is he the popular carpenter? Why is he the popular lawyer? Why is he the popular rosh yeshivah? Why is he the popular money collector? But you have to realize that he’s not taking anything away from you, regardless. “No one can take away what’s yours beshum inyan veofen.”Say that to yourself again and again and again.

And then a lot of times you see somebody who has more kavod than you. You have to know that somebody deserves kavod from Hashem because it says in the passuk כִּי מְכַבְּדַי אֲכַבֵּד, “I honor those who honor Me” (I Shmuel, 2:30). And if he wasn’t honored in the eyes of Hashem, he would not be honored in the eyes of people. And therefore when you try to grab the kavod you’re going to cause yourself bizyonos.And if you want to be mevazeh him it will backfire on you terribly. You know why? Everybody is mechabed him, and all the bizayon you want to see that guy have, you’re going to end up getting because באותו מידה שרוצה למדוד מודדין לו.

Over the years, I’ve seen some bachurim who were tempted to undermine the kavod the roshei yeshivah were getting. They didn’t think they deserved it. Obviously, Hashem did. There are bachurim that try, in their sick minds, to cut it down. They can’t stand it. They’ll say, “Oh I don’t like politics. I don’t like politicians.” They put names to it, ‘praverai, not praverai.’  “Oh people don’t know this guy. If they knew him, they would never give him such kavod.” You have to know it says כי מכבדי אכבד. If somebody gets kavod, he deserves the kavod. And if you try to take it away from him, he won’t lose it, and you won’t gain anything.

Look around in your life. You’ll see. I know people who truly chashuvim, chashuvim meod. But they have a little bit of a kavod issue. They can’t understand why other people are getting kavod. I was once speaking to a rosh yeshivah who, from my understanding, was chashuve. I mentioned another yeshivah to him and said, “Baruch Hashem they’re doing fine too.” He said, “Dos? Dos iz a kindergarten! Dos iz nisht ken yeshivah!” I mentioned another yeshivah, and he started saying something negative again. I said to myself, “How could I mention anything else?” He was asking, “Who is epes? Where is something going on?” Then I mentioned one place where they learn Rav Baruch Ber, and boy, the guy lost it! Then I understood. I felt bad for this man. You know why? Because I saw from that, why he doesn’t get the proper kavod. That guy should have kavod melachim from everybody. He should have kavod melachim. He really should! You know what his problem is? He can’t take it that other people have kavod. He tries to take them down from their kavod. Because of that, במדה שאדם מודד מודדין לו, the bizyonos come back to him. Be’emes he’s an ish chashuv, a talmid chacham.

Then you look at other roshei yeshivos who are all right, they’re nice Jews. Fine Jews. I grew up with them. And some of them have kavod melachim. What do people say? “Oh, it’s because of his father.” You tell them his father didn’t have kavod melachim. “Oh, because of his grandfather.” His grandfather didn’t have such kavod melachim. “Oh, because of his great-grandfather.” Maybe it’s because of Moshe Rabeinu?! That doesn’t explain anything. Just because the Beis Halevi got kavod, that means his einekel is supposed to get kavod? Maybe by the chassidim.

If somebody you see has kavod, then Hakadosh Baruch Hu is saying כי מכבדי אכבד. He’s a very nice person. You see that people like him. He’s nice to everybody. He’s not mevazeh other people. Oh, you wonder why he has kavod? Maybe because he’s mechabed Hashem and he’s mechabed others, so Hashem makes sure he gets kavod. This is a very important thing to know.

Ma’alos: Be Modeh It Is From Hashem

When a person is mekaneh somebody because he has ma’alos and middos tovos, that’s stam a shtus gadol she’ein kamohu. How is that guy at fault, how can you blame that guy because he was born smart? How can you blame the guy because he has talents? Is that his fault? Hashem definitely granted it to him. In Shamayim, they knew what they were doing. How can you not like a guy for that reason?

Tikkun: Bring Hashem Into The Picture

Therefore, if a person will think about this, and believe in divrei Chazal he’s going to see that all his ta’anos are nonsense. He will see that there’s no mekor to hate his friend, and he will overcome his kinah. Instead, he will say, “Baruch Hashem, I’m taka happy for the fellow that he has that ma’alah.” “Baruch Hashem! Hakadosh Baruch Hu is rotzeh lechabdo. Hakadosh Baruch Hu knew how to make that person.” One person He makes like this. One person’s kids are like this. One person’s wife is like this. One person’s husband is like this. One person has this ma’alah and that ma’alah. By realizing this, a person can stop being mekaneh others and doesn’t have to hate anybody. This is the first step of the tikun.

Look For The Positive In People

The way to counter it is to first identify the areas that bother you. I see this a lot of times. In yeshivah I see different people. I could see positive traits in them. I’ve had people come over to me and say to me in a nice way, “Do you know who you like?” I said, “I like everybody.” Anybody who is close to me, I’m close to them. That’s the metzius.

I don’t think – I know – there’s not one person here who doesn’t have certain ma’alos tovos and certaintraits that are and could be developed. You could be chashuv. I know you all well. Every one of you has chesronos that need to be overcome. Nu? So what? You have to do the same thing among yourselves. Only look at each other’s positive traits. Don’t look at the negatives. That’s how you’re going to be mesaken yourself.

Rabosai, if you don’t do it, if you don’t get to work doing it, you’ll have bad feelings for your wife eventually. People have mamash eivah. They talk to their wife only because they’re forced to. If they had a choice, they wouldn’t talk to their wife. They’d punish their wife. They’re mamash sonei their wives, their own flesh and blood. It’s baser mibesaro. It’s ke’echad. After they fall into the trap of sinas chinam, then they want to know when there’s talk of divorce, why she’s going to such extremes. It’s because of someone’s foolishness.^[ii]

---

^[i] שנאת חנם הוא חולי קשה ראש לכל עבירות שבתורה תביא את האדם השונא את חבירו שידבר עליו כזבים מה שלא היה ולא נברא, והרגיל לדבר כזבים הוא מן הכתות שאינן מקבלות פני שכינה שנא’ (תהילים ק״א:ז׳) דובר שקרים לא יכון לנגד עיני, ומן הכזבים תביאנו להעליל עליו ולהעיד עדות שקר, וכן אמר שלמה ע”ה (משלי כ״א:כ״ח) עד כזבים יאבד. ואמר (שם ו) ויפיח כזבים עד שקר, מתוך השנאה ידאג על הצלחת חבירו ויעלוז ברעתו. כל מי שתגבר עליו המדה המשוקצת הזאת הוא סותר ועוקר האחוה והריעות הנזכרים בפסוק (תהילים קכ״ב:ח׳) למען אחי ורעי, והוא מכחיש עצמו שאינו מזרע אברהם לפי שכל מי שהוא מזרעו אוחז דרכו כענין שכתוב כי ידעתיו למען אשר יצוה את בניו ואת ביתו אחריו וגו’. שנאת חנם הוא חלוק לבבות שדעות בני אדם משתנים זה מזה ואינן מסכימין לדעת אחת, וכל אחד ואחד יש לו דעת בפני עצמו ואין לחבירו יתרון עליו ואין אחד מהם מכיר ערך מי שהוא גדול ממנו אלא שרוצים להיות כלם ראשים, ובכן דעותיהם ולבותיהם חלוקים ואין השכינה שורה בעם שלבו חלוק שכן דרשו ז”ל (דברים ל״ג:ה׳) ויהי בישרון מלך בהתאסף ראשי עם כלומר כשהיו אגודה אחת, ואמר הנביא (הושע י׳:ב׳) חלק לבם עתה יאשמו הוא וגו’, ופירש הוא אותו חלוק הלב. אין צריך לומר שמועיל התאחד הלב בעבודת השי”ת שאף בע”ז מועיל והוא שכתוב (שם) חבור עצבים אפרים וגו’. כי אע”פ שהיה מן הראוי לטרדן מן העולם מפני שהם עובדי עצבים כיון שהם חבורה אחת ודעת אחת הנח לו כלומר אאריך אפי להם

^[ii] Question: What should you do if you see someone is shteiging away and it makes you jealous? Answer: We just explained that jealousy means to say it’s mutar to look at somebody else’s ma’alah and middah tovah. Now, there are two possible responses when I see somebody has a ma’alah tovah: Either I put him down and I think of all the reasons why Hashem made a mistake giving him that middah, or how he’s fooling Hashem, or I say, “He has that ma’alah? I’m going to spur myself and motivate myself to shteig.” The second way is the proper way to deal with kinah when you see a ma’alah tovah, some shteiging. Question: Why do people put other people down when they have done nothing wrong? Answer: Today, people have nothing of value to say. So, what do people say instead? “Oh, he’s a Harry. He’s a this. He’s a that.” They put a label on someone to knock him down. That’s the sinah. Question: Are most people aware of their jealousy or do most people just live with it? Answer: Most people are not aware of it. Most people you know are born with these tendencies. Now, if you see somebody who worked on a middah, then there should be kinas sofrim. You’ll see him saying, “You know what? I’m also going to do it.” But when people don’t work on their middos, instead of saying that, their natural reaction is to say, “Oh, he’s a faker. Oh, he’s bluffing.” It’s much less work to just live with it. But if someone uses their kinah to develop kinas sofrim, they could grow so much more.