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Shiur given in 5779 and 5783

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Part 1: Know What to Ask For on Yom HaDin (5779)

A Torah Bond is Forever

This is going to be the last shiur in this venue for 5779. The next shiur will be in 5780. As this is the last shiur of 5779, I would like to express my hoda’ah to Hashem Yisborach for giving me this opportunity to transmit His Torah and divrei chizuk, to clarify some yesodos, which I was mekabel from my rabbeim. I am very grateful for this unique opportunity.  I don’t know most of you who participate in the shiur virtually. I haven’t spoken to most of you directly. You are located in many different cities, states, and even countries. Now, ordinarily, a person wouldn’t have an opportunity to connect and assist and build people who are at a distance. But thanks to Hakodosh Boruch Hu who inspired two brothers – Reuven ben Yakov and Shimon ben Yakov – this venue (Torah Anytime) was opened up. They have a tremendous zechus. Hakodosh Boruch brought it all together. So, while we may not meet again in this lifetime, we will meet in the next lifetime. You have to know one thing is for certain. When two people eat or drink together, it doesn’t create a lasting bond. If they play together, it’s not a lasting bond. But when people learn Torah together, that creates a kesher shel kayamah, an eternal kesher.

My rebbi (Rav Meir Halevi Soloveichik) once told me from his father, the Brisker Rav (Rav Yitzchok Zev HaLevi Soloveitchik​), that there was somebody who did a big avlah to the Brisker Rav. He stole something from him and he made it public. The Brisker Rav was upset. This fellow considered himself the Brisker Rav’s talmid. My rebbi told me, “My father, the Brisker Rav, sent him a message: ‘I won’t have a shaychus to you from now on, not in this world and not in the next world.’” When I heard that, somehow, for some reason, it struck a chord, and I realized that what I have with my rebbi is not just while I’m with him in his house or sitting by his shiurim and then you move on. It’s not like that. You’re with them in the next world. The gemara tells us of people who came to the next world, and they weren’t allowed into yeshivah shel ma’alah. There’s no question about it that rebbi’im in this world come to the next world, and they continue teaching Torah, enlightening others, and bringing awareness of Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s Torah in olam haba.

I appreciate very much the fact that you listen because every time a person creates another kesher with another Yid, one of the Am Yisrael, that creates a k’vod shamayim. People who have business together also create a bond, but it’s not a bond that you take to the next world with you. Torah creates an emese bond. Therefore, I want to wish all of you a gut gebentched yar. Hakadosh Baruch Hu should look out and assist every one of you in all of your inyanim of ruchniyus, and in all of your inyanim of gashmiyus. Hashem should enable you to pass the tests before they come. And when they come, to be able to stand up to the tests and utilize those tests and create building blocks and opportunities for yourself and for your family to enjoy in this world and the next; in this world leorech yamim veshanim tovim,and in the next world lanetzach.

Hashem should give you all the koach to know how to be mispallel and make the right bakashos. You have to be zocheh to everything through tefillah. Some people don’t know how to ask, or what to ask for. And because they never asked, they never received.

Hopefully, after Rosh Hashanah, we will meet again and continue our climb together. All of you who listen to these shiurim – and I have a great debt of gratitude to every one of you – give me a lot of strength to continue. I greatly appreciate it.

Daven for the Right Kind of Life

We’re now holding a few days before Rosh Hashanah. Most people think about it in the following way: They make lists of what they want. People know they want to have parnasah. People want health. People want good children, erliche tzaddikim. They want their parents to be healthy, and their brothers and sisters to be healthy, and other such wonderful requests.

Chazal put in the tefilah זכרנו לחיים מלך חפץ בחיים, we should be zocheh, וכתבנו בספר החיים למענך אלקים חיים. This is one of the few bakashos that was inserted into our tefillah very remarkably – and it’s a very big chiddush because in the first three brachos of the Shemoneh Esrei, we don’t make requests.

Now the emes is, the most important request that a person needs to ask for is chaim, life, because if you don’t ask for chaim, everything else is worthless. But when most people  ask for chaim, כתבנו בספר החיים, they don’t begin to understand what that means. They don’t think about what type of quality of life they want.

When a person asks for life, he’s not asking for the life of a beheimah or a chayah. We want to have a life of a human being. And Hashem says, what do you mean when you say ‘life’? So you think of somebody who you heard drowned this past year or died in an accident, and you think, “Hashem, keep me alive. No accidents.” You’re thinking of somebody who had a heart attack, and is on life support. He’s in a coma in a hospital connected to machines. You say, “Hashem, no. That I don’t want.”

A Life With a Ta’anug for Ruchnius

You have to know exactly what you’re being mevakesh. It’s very, very important. Now, you have to realize that every human being in this world, besides for ‘life,’ the person needs ‘chiyus.’ He has to have ta’anug hachaim. He has to have joy in life. Two things that give a person a reason to live are the fact that his heart is beating and his mind is working, and the second thing is that he looks forward to some joyous moments. If a person’s life was joyless, he would have no interest or value in life.  Think about it. Do you think you could live without breakfast? Without lunch? Just taking a tasteless pill for breakfast, lunch, and supper. Are you really living if you do that? It’s keeping you alive, for sure. But a person has to have some joy in life. Every single person who is conscious looks for places to draw joy from. There are people that look forward to their breakfast. They like pieces of toast with butter. They like to have some cheese on the side. If you ever went to Eretz Yisrael, they’re very famous for their Israeli breakfasts. In hotels, you see what breakfast is shayach to be like. They don’t serve lunch in hotels over there. It’s not necessary. They give you breakfast and supper. How many types of breads are there, how many types of cheeses are there, how many types of cereals are there, how many types of eggs are there? A person looks forward to the ta’anug. There’s no table with just vitamins; take one in a gulp. You don’t come to the world for that.

Now you have to realize – and this is a very important point – you are a ba’al bechirah. You have the ability to choose what is going to give you chiyus. There are some people who are on such a low level of chiyus, that a piece of pizza is their chiyus. Listening to a ball game or watching a ball game is mamash their chiyus. If you take away that chiyus from them, they feel mamash empty. If you go around the world, you’ll notice that very few people have any chiyus from Torah and mitzvos – but that is the source of real chaim. The main source of chiyus for someone who carries a neshamah that is a חלק אלוק ממעל is from Torah and mitzvos.

You want to know how much chiyus you have from Torah and mitzvos? I’ll give you an example. You’re a bachur, and a guy stops you and says, “Could you drive? My wife needs the hospital right now!” “Drive? What about shacharis?” “You’re patur from shacharis 100%.” The guy jumps into the car and drives to the hospital. It’s a trip. He’s all pumped. A little excitement over here. But he didn’t realize that he is not only going to miss shacharis, he’s going to miss breakfast also. Now, what does the guy feel bad about? When it comes lunchtime, is the guy going to say, “Boy, I missed shacharis”? “Baruch Hashem,” he’ll say. “I was patur. I had an oness.” But he’ll say, “I’m starving.” If he’s a shtickel mentsch, he won’t say it, but he’ll think it. “Do you know of any place to get something to eat around here?” he’ll ask the guy. The guy says, “We’re dealing with an emergency. Would you forget about your eating?!” “No. It’s my chiyus. I live for that.”

A person has to know that when you come to Rosh Hashanah and you ask for ‘chaim,’ you have to ask for ‘chiyus’ because if you look around, you could see how many people last Rosh Hashanah didn’t ask for any chiyus whatsoever. They never made a request. Every one of you requested life, so Hashem wrote down, ‘Breathing.’ To one degree or another, you’re alive. You’re walking. But in the chiyus aspect, most people don’t even have chiyus from the physical world. The proof is that you don’t see people walking around happy and enjoying life. How many times do I go places, and everyone looks like they are in a morgue? Then, I figure I’ll walk into the beis medrash. That’s the place to see live people.

I always tell a story. Many years ago, maybe thirty or forty years ago, I was in a beis medrash, and I watched a guy learn with gevaldige hasmadah for three hours straight. I was impressed. I was moved. I was happy for the guy. At the end of the seder, I slid into the bench next to the guy. I said, “Could I ask you a question? When’s the last time you did a mitzvah with some substance that made you feel like ‘I did something’?” He started to think and think. He was thinking and thinking and thinking. He said, “I can’t remember.” I said, “Isn’t that sad?” I said, “You just learned. I sat across the aisle from you, and I watched you. You learned for three hours b’retzifus. Could you show me what you learned?” He showed me, “I learned this gemara.” I counted the words in the gemara. I said, “Rashi has at least as many words, if not more. And the Tosfos.” I said, “Thousands upon thousands of the biggest mitzvah in the whole Torah, talmud Torah keneged kulam, and you got nothing from it?” You’re looking for what you did, some big mitzvah you did but you couldn’t find it.

Ta’anug From Our Mitzvos

You know, davening is enjoyable. You’re actually communicating with Hashem. You’re actually requesting of Hashem. You’re making a difference. You’re standing in your corner. You’re standing in your little daled amos’l, and you are impacting the world. You are reaching out to the Creator and the Master of the universe, who is listening to you, and wants to hear from you! And you’re saying, “Hashem, I would like to beseech You on behalf of all the Jews in every city, every state, every country, all over the world. I want to make a request on their behalf. Give them da’as!” Do you know how amazing that is?

If you had a chance, if you saw a person choking or having some difficulty breathing, and you were able to assist that person, you know you would never forget that for the rest of your life. Imagine you’re walking to the yeshivah, and you see an old person sitting on a chair, and he’s not breathing right. You walk up to him, “Is everything all right?” You look at the guy. “Open your mouth.” You see he has a cucumber stuck in there or a piece of celery, and you reach in, and you pull it out. The guy gives a sigh of relief. “Baruch Hashem! I was dying. I couldn’t breathe.” You ask him, “Why didn’t you take it out?” He says, “I have arthritis. My fingers don’t work.” You saved the guy’s life! You’d be pumped for the next month. You’d tell your father. You’d call your mother. You’d call your uncle. “I mamash had an opportunity this week.” And that is one little Jew.

And here, you have a chance to reach out to Hashem and communicate with Hashem on behalf of Klal Yisroel. That’s a mind-boggling event. You have a chance to express your gratitude to Hashem, to make requests, to make a whole laundry list of requests, to say thank You to Hashem, to ask Hashem for shalom. Who doesn’t need shalom in his life? Everybody is fighting with somebody else. You ask Hashem for shalom. That’s amazing!

If you had a chance to go to Rav Chaim Kanievsky wouldn’t you be excited? Of course you would. Hashem is a little bigger than Rav Chaim Kanievsky. I’m not trying to put him down. But Hashem is still bigger.

A person has to realize not appreciating these opportunities in life is called being dead. It’s called ‘you’re in the morgue.’ Maybe last Rosh Hashanah, you weren’t zocheh to chiyus. Hashem pronounced that your heart would beat x amount of times a minute. Twenty four hours a day, hopefully without jumping or stopping in the middle of your sleep or some other time, and it beatsjust like Hashem programmed it. But in terms of quality of life, you got nothing. Of course you need to ask Hashem for superficial life, physical life, but this year on Rosh Hashanah, you want to tell Hashem: “Hashem, give me a ta’anug in my chaim. Give me enjoyment in my life. I want to enjoy limud haTorah. I want to enjoy my davening. I want to enjoy doing chessed for people.”

You know, a person who learns Torah and doesn’t enjoy it, do you know what kind of tragedy that is? That’s like a guy who is allergic to eating. There are people who have allergies to food. Whatever they eat, they end up sick. It’s terrible. It’s a tragic situation. They can’t eat this. They can’t eat that. Some people are allergic to peanuts. Some people are allergic to milk. Some people are allergic to milk, peanuts and gluten. Don’t ask what people are allergic to. I look at them and think, “Shrek! What kind of life is that? What does he enjoy? Bland mashed vegetables? Baby food?”

Everything Comes From Tefillah

When I was a kid, I remember I liked baby food. I like certain ones more than others. I liked the pears. I liked the bananas. I remember when I started having kids, I tried to regain that joy. I couldn’t regain the joy. I said, “I liked this stuff? How did I like this stuff? It’s bland.” But that’s how it is. At the time, Hashem gave me enjoyment from it. That was also a chessed from Hashem, that He gave me the palate to enjoy that food.

A person has to understand that what you have to do, and what you must do, and what is crucial to do is to beg Hashem for what you really need. Here’s a guy – a shvache guy, not such a great tzaddik by any stretch of the imagination – who tells me that last year he had a Rosh Hashanah like nobody’s business! He had a Rosh Hashanah! I said, “Yeah? What did you ask for?” I told him, “I don’t know what you asked for, but you missed the boat because the only thing that gives you chiyus was everything but Torah and mitzvos. You missed the boat! What did you ask Hashem? To have a fun year? To have a nice year? What did you ask Hashem for?”

If you can’t feel that the Torah gives you life, that means Hashem did not grant you any chiyus last year! If you can’t feel pumped from doing a mitzvah, that means you didn’t get any chiyus. The mishnah in Avos says, גדולה תורה שהיא נותנת חיים לעושיה בעולם הזה ובעולם הבא כי חיים הם למוצאיהם. It’s chaim. Chaim doesn’t mean just breathing. Chaim means chiyus.

Do you understand that you don’t know what ‘chaim’ is? That’s very sad. On Rosh Hashanah, you should think of nothing else when you say זכרנו לחיים. Say, “Hashem, I want to live, but I want to live and feel quality.” Not, “I feel excited about building a shtender.” You have these guys who like to build things. They love building things. You see they do it with such zest and such joy. That’s how people are. It’s a nebach. That’s what they want their chiyus in, to put a few nails in a board and build themselves a little lock box to keep in the dorm room? A great accomplishment. But from a gemara – nothing. You should cry for this. Because if (chas v’shalom) you knew that this year, your physical life was going to be living in a hospital, or you weren’t going to be able to walk, or you would just be able to barely breathe with assistance of machines – would you daven for that? I sure  hope so. Would you pray to Hashem to save you? I would surely hope that you would. You can’t have success in anything in your life if you don’t have chiyus. If you struggle when you come to the beis medrash  or go to a shiur, you’ve got to know that’s the problem. That should scare you. You shouldn’t just say, “Well, it’s a different time of my life. Now I’m older. I’m different. I’m busy with my business. I’m busy with this.” Even if you’re busy with your business, you still enjoy a good meal. You still enjoy some exercise. Why shouldn’t you enjoy Torah? Why shouldn’t you enjoy mitzvos? Why shouldn’t you be matzliach in that?

Now, if you don’t have that bakashah and you don’t even ask Hashem, do you think Hashem is going to give it to you? Hashem gives you things without asking? Everything comes from tefillah. Why would Hashem give a guy chiyus from Torah when the guy never even asked for chiyus from Torah? Actually, all he wants is to get away from Torah.

Daven Positively Not To Be a Rasha

Many people think that this is their lot in life. People think they naturally enjoy ta’avos and other negative things. The Sefer Hatanya (פרק יד) talks about the nefesh of the beinoni, of the person that goes through struggles and the person is drawn to this side or that side. Now, he says, a beinoni is something that everybody could be at any time. A beinoni doesn’t detest evil. He knows he enjoys ra, too. He enjoys negative things. He likes bitul Torah. He likes sports. He finds it very geshmak. I was speaking to somebody yesterday. I said, “What are you living for?” He said, “Nothing.” I said, “What do you live for? Tell me the truth. Everyone lives for something.” He said, “I watch movies.” A bright fellow. What a nebach!

The Sefer Hatanya says like this: The first thing you have do is to tell yourself,  you have to say it to yourself, “Hashem, I don’t want to be a rasha even sha’ah achas.” That means I don’t want my life to be one where I just seek to fulfill my ta’avos and do the opposite of ratzon of Hashem. Because if you do that, you’re a rasha. You want to know why I don’t want to do that? You might say, “Because I don’t want to go to Gehinnom. I want to have a good year.” No. The Sefer Hatanya writes: Say כי אינני רוצה, I don’t want, להיות מובדל ונפרד חס ושלום מה’ אחד בשום אופן, I don’t want to be separated, distanced, disattached from my Tatte, from my melech even for one second. It says in the passuk, avonoseichem, your sins are what separates you.^[i]

So what should you do?  He says, a person has the bechirah to reject and to disconnect himself from ta’avos and ta’anugos hagashmiyim. He says, he has to work on himself in his heart, in his mind, to develop a sinah to those ta’avos to the best of his ability. He says, if it’s not the tachlis hasinah, at least he should know it’s pas nisht such a zach.^[ii] It’s not becoming of you.

A person has to tell himself that I’m going to accept upon myself to be a tzaddik. He says when a person is born they make him make a shevuah. It says תהי צדיק ואל תהי רשע. He asks a gevaldige kasha. What’s the pshat in the gemara, to be a tzaddik and not to be a rasha. If you make a shevuah, “I’m going to be a tzaddik,” of course I’m not going to be a rasha! What’s the pshat תהי צדיק ואל תהי רשע. You know why, he says? Because a person could enjoy Hashem, enjoy mitzvos, but at the very same time he could enjoy garbage too. So we say תהי צדיק ואל תהי רשע. That second shevuah that they say don’t be a rasha means: Choose to work on yourself to disassociate, detach yourself, from the rishus.^[iii]

The Sefer Hatanya continues, how do you do that? He says a person has to be kovea for himself times and look for eitzos in himself to be mo’es b’ra, detest evil.

Do you ever hear of bachurim that talk about sports? To me, it’s amazing. They talk about it like it’s not stam olam haba. They gain nothing from it. No vested interest in it. Gornisht! He says, Chazal give us all kinds of eitzos for how a person could be mo’es, disconnect himself even from ta’avos nashim or from ta’avos achilah. A person has to think the thoughts that Chazal guide us with. Additionally, he has to say I’m going to undertake to try to be mesaneg and lesmoach in Hashem. I’m going to think about the amazing opportunity that I was presented with. And I know that I’m not going to get, maybe, to the shpitz madreigah, but I want to have something. I want to try to be mekayem my shevuah of tehi tzaddik. Then Hashem will do. Hashem will give him matanos.

Be Prepared to Work on Being a Tzaddik

The second thing the Sefer Hatanya says is that apart from davening, you have to train yourself to be a tzaddik and not a rasha. I always say over a story about a fellow who came here for Shabbos many years ago. One of my dear mechutanim sent him here. He said, “I’d like you to give him a jolt for Shabbos.” I said, “Okay.” I said, “I want to know one thing. Is he off drugs?” I said, “When he’s four weeks off of drugs, then I’ll have him for Shabbos. Don’t send him here when he’s on drugs.” The guy shows up here one Erev Shabbos. His brain is totally fried, not stam. Toast. He can’t think. He’s a shtickel zombie. I told him, “This is going to be a Shabbos you’re going to remember like no other Shabbos.” He said, “I hope so.” Friday night, after the seudah, I said, “Now we’re getting to work.” We sat downstairs and opened up a mishnayos Bava Kama. I said, “You ever heard of mishnayos Bava Kama?” He said, “Sure. I learned in yeshivah.” I said, “Okay.” I said, “When’s the last time you learned mishnayos?” “It’s been a while.” I said, “I am going to give you intravenous today. I’m going to get into your soul, into your blood steam, and I’m going to put something in there you’re not going to forget.” I said, “Do you have ability to retain Torah and remember things ba’al peh?” He said, “No. I was never good at that.” I said, “Okay, tonight you’ll become good at that.” I said, “I’m going to teach you the first mishnah in Bava Kama, and we’re going to learn it over and over and over. You’re going to learn it tonight a hundred and one times. You’re going to know it ba’al peh. If you drop dead tomorrow,” I said, “you’ll have lived for one night in your life.”

After chazering with him for sixty-nine times – sixty-nine times! – I mamash felt like Rav Preida. I said, I hope this doesn’t have to go to four hundred. I said, a hundred and one is the key. At sixty-nine, I told him, “I’m going to sleep now.” It was really late. I said, “When I wake up in the morning, if you’re still here, you’d better know this mishnah by heart, and you’d better learn it a hundred and one times. If you don’t learn it a hundred and one times, you’d better not be here when I wake up in the morning.” The guy said, “Rebbi, I’m going to do it.” The guy did it! The next morning the guy was all charged up. I woke him up. “I know the mishnah!” I said, “Are you sure? Let me hear it.” He did a pretty decent job. I said to the guy, “Do you feel it?” He said, “I never had such an experience in my life.” I said, “You were zocheh. You tasted it. You know why? Let’s say you would have said to me, – ‘Nah, I don’t want to do that. I can’t do it,’ – you would not have tasted it.” And I have tried this on other people. They get shleppy on me, they get mamash such rifyon yadayim, it’s like I’m pulling teeth. It’s like no one is home. But the guy did it! I said, “Now you tasted it.” That Shabbos turned him around.

I sent him back to New York. I said, “Now you go back to New York. You start learning.” I told him to go to Chaim Berlin. I gave him a whole program. I told him, “Stay in the program. If you make it, I’m going to find you a yeshivah.”

He lasted for a few weeks, and then one night, he called me at 3 o’clock. He said, “Rebbi, this is great. Wow! This is unbelievable! I love the Torah!” I said, “That doesn’t sound like you.” I said, “What are you on?” He said, “No, I’m not on anything.” I said, “What are you on, buddy? I know you’re on something. What is it?” Finally, he spits it out. He said, “Rebbi, I can’t fool you. You can tell from there I’m on something.” I said, “You call me 3 o’clock in the morning and tell me you’re high on Torah?! Ey yah!” He was on Quaaludes. I said, “Oy nebach refuah sheleimah.” I said, “Tzeischem leshalom. Goodbye.” I hung the phone up. Zei gezunt! He dropped the ball.

A person has to realize that you have to train yourself. You have to work on yourself. You can’t do it in one night. In one night, you get a feeling. You rarely see a guy even trying to shteig, trying to get a shtickel of one sugya into his kishkes. Everything is half hearted and haphazard. You don’t even give yourself a chance to try to get chiyus.

Have you ever seen a guy start playing basketball for the first time? I remember the first time I played basketball. I was in a yeshivah in Scranton, Pennsylvania. I had never played basketball in my life. Over there, everybody was into basketball. If everyone is doing it, you’ve got to do it too. So I took the ball the first time, and I tried to hit the backboard. The ball went over the side of the backboard. I said, “What’s this? They should make bigger backboards. What’s going on over here? How do you get the ball up so high over there?” I didn’t give up. I said, if all these shlumps here could do it, I surely could. They look like they’re having a good time. I’m going to have a good time too. I learned how to do it. I had to work on it. It doesn’t happen just by looking at the thing. You have to actually do some work.

That’s your choice. The first thing you do on this Rosh Hashanah is beg Hashem to have some chiyus. You don’t want to walk around like you’re looking for the morgue. You want to have chiyus. “Please, Hashem, when I daven, I should have ta’anug. When I do mitzvos, I should have ta’anug. When I learn, I should have ta’anug.” Not when I tell you to come to learn Shabbos afternoon, and you think I’m pashut torturing you, like I’m asking you to go into the Spanish Inquisition. How do I think of such a terrible klalah? What kind of yeshivah does that? They’re supposed to let the guys sleep forever on Shabbos afternoon like a meis, misah beShabbos ta’anug. A person has to understand misah is the worst thing you can do for yourself.

Chiyus Leads to Other Hatzlachos Too

Rabosai, ask Hashem זכרנו לחיים. Not only for yourself. For others. Because if you have chiyus, you’re going to have hatzlachah. You’re going to be ambitious. There are tzaddikim who can sit and learn for hours and hours and hours a day. I remember as a child, I used to think, how do they do that? That must be torture for them. How come their hair doesn’t fall out? They must have such boring lives that they find this interesting. I mean, their lives must be so empty. They have no joy. They don’t understand cars. They don’t understand baseball. They don’t understand the goodness of the world. They missed the boat! I thought maybe they were lucky they missed the boat because they’re not aware. Sometimes, you lack awareness, so you end up with your head in the books. But that’s not the pshat. They have a ta’am in it. They feel it. It touches them. They look at you, and they think, you nebach what you are. You sick puppy. The only thing that he has is some pretzels. You only like pretzels. The only food you eat is pretzels. What’s wrong with you? What kind of life do you have? That’s a tragedy.

There was a gvir that Rav Aharon once went to. Rav Aharon got a big check from the guy. Rav Aharon said, “Oy, I feel terrible for you.” He said, “Rebbi, why do you feel terrible for me? I have a wonderful life. A great life!” He started enumerating all the wonderful things he had. Rav Aharon said, “I’m not thinking about your olam haba. I’m thinking about your olam hazeh.” You have no olam hazeh. You don’t know what olam hazeh is. You don’t know what it means to enjoy a blatt gemara. That’s sad. That’s terribly sad.”

Ask Hashem for help. Not for nice ties. Not for nice shirts. Not for nice clothes. Not for nice toys. Ask Hashem for some chiyus, Rabosai. And think about what you want chiyus from. Maybe you’ll be zocheh. A little chiyus will change your entire life. In order for Hashem to give you chiyus, a lot of other stuff need to be taken care of. You need a lot of other conveniences and things in life that will come along ‘free of charge’. Hakadosh Baruch Hu should help you, and Hakadosh Baruch Hu should help us all be zocheh to chaim amiti’im and a chaim with chiyus and a chaim of connecting with Hashem and feeling that kesher and not being left on the outside.

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Part 2: The Secret to Effective Tefillah (5783)

Conditions for Tefilah

The passuk says ונצעק אל ה’ אלקי אבותינו, “and we cried out to Hashem, the Hashem of our fathers,” וישמע ה’ את קולינו, “and Hashem heard our voices,” He heard our cries (Devarim 26:7). The great Rav Chaim Palagi (1788-1868), in his Haggadah shel Pesach says a beautiful peshat in this passuk, based on a yesod from the famous Rav Saadya Gaon (882-942).

We know that tefillah has a tremendous koach, but you should know there are conditions required for your tefillos to be accepted.^[iv] Most of us struggle with meeting all those conditions. I once saw in a sefer that there are six conditions. When I saw that, I became demoralized because if there are six conditions then you have to satisfy them. But Rav Saayda Gaon says there’s a way to get around those conditions.^[v] There’s a way for a person to daven, and even if the person is not where he supposed to be – he’s a אדם שאינו הגון, he’s not fit that Hashem should hear his tefilah – there is a way for him to get answered.

Rav Saadya Gaon says as follows. There are two ways for a person to daven. When most people daven, they’re asking for mercy. We all have our needs, a boatload of needs, and the only one who can satisfy our needs is Hashem. So we come, and we beseech Hashem. Says Rav Saadya Gaon, that’s when you require all the conditions; you’re asking Hashem for rachmanus, and that takes a high level of conditions to be met.

Davening for the Honor of Hashem

But there’s another way to daven, he says. You don’t daven for yourself. You daven for the honor of Hashem. He says if you daven for the honor of Hashem, then, immediately, your tefillah is answered. Rav Chaim Palagi says that’s the peshat in the passuk here. The passuk says ‘ונצעק אל ה. In some places, it says they cried out to Hashem min ha’avodah, from the work. But here, they cried out, ‘אל ה, we cried out to Hashem for His honor – and when we finally did that, then וישמע ה’ את קולנו, then Hashem heard our cries.

This is a very important yesod. Rav Chaim Volozhiner, in his famous sefer Nefesh Hachaim in Sha’ar Beis,discusses this at length.^[vi] He says, be’emes, in truth, if you think about it, it’s amazing that a person could beseech Hashem. How can I ask Hashem to help me and plead to Hashem to remove the difficulties and the tzaros that I have in my life?

Avoid Yesurim – For Hashem’s Sake

He says, imagine a guy needs to be healed, and he goes to a doctor. The doctor gives him these bitter medicine to take. He gives him shots. He needs to do all these invasive treatments that are not pleasant. Have you ever heard of someone like that pleading to the doctor, “Please don’t give me the shots. Please don’t give me this medicine. Please don’t cut off my finger.” The doctor says, “If your finger has gangrene, if it’s messed up, I have no choice but to cut it. By doing that, I’m saving you.”

The patient who’s paying the doctor top dollar to give him shots and bitter medicine, trusts the doctor that he’s doing what’s best for him. A common thing is, a guy dislocates his hand. It’s killing you like who knows what. You go to the doctor. What does the doctor say? “Okay, this won’t be for long.” And all of a sudden you hear a kich. He grabs your hand on both sides and, “Arhhhhh!” You start to scream. You’re paying for this. You don’t say, “No, no, I don’t want that. If it has to hurt, I don’t want it.” You understand it’s for your best.

Hashem doesn’t do anything to us for no reason. If Hashem does it, it’s the best thing for me. It can’t be any better. It’s what is absolutely required for my health.  The gemara says אין יסורים בלא עון, if you have yesurim, it means there was some sin. Something needs correction. If not for the yesurim, how are you going to get your kapparah? So Rav Chaim Volozhiner asks how is it possible for a person to ask Hashem not to give it to him? That’s such a strong question. It’s a great question.

Tzaros of Klal Yisrael Brings Chillul Hashem

Rav Chaim Volozhiner says an amazing yesod. He says, the purpose of the whole davening, of having kavanah and pleading with Hashem, is not to save me. It’s not to alleviate my pain for me. But it’s to alleviate my pain for Hashem’s sake.

Rav Chaim Volozhiner says that whenever Klal Yisrael is suffering from a tzarah,that tzarah brings a chillul Hashem yisborach. It’s atremendous desecration for Hashem’s name when Klal Yisrael undergoes such suffering. When Klal Yisrael goes through such suffering it makes Hashem look bad. We daven to Hashem all the time: Do it for Your name, for Your sake.

Now what does that do? You know what that does? What happens if Klal Yisrael falls and they misbehave? Hashem is forced to give us reminders, to wake us up, to bring us back. But then, when He does that, it causes a chillul Hashem. When you daven to Hashem, you know what you say? You say, “Hashem, I’m sorry for whatever Klal Yisrael did to deserve this suffering but the suffering is bringing about a chillul Hashem.Save us so that Your Name should not be desecrated.” So when Klal Yisrael fell and did the aveirah, that was an act of chillul Hashem. Now Hashem brings the suffering upon Klal Yisroel – it’s also a chillul Hashem. So you daven to Hashem, saying that you’re sorry for causing the chillul Hashem to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

Tzaros of an Individual Hurt Hashem

Now, what about if it’s an individual who has yesurim? Let’s say a person is going through personal tzaros. It’s not a chillul Hashem. Rav Chaim Volozhiner says, over there, you have to daven for the great pain you’re causing Hashem. How are you causing pain to Hashem? He says in the gemara in Sanhedrin (46a) it says that אמר רב מאיר, Rav Meir says, when a person is suffering tza’ar, מה השכינה אומרת, what does the Shechinah say? קלני מראשי קלני מזרועי, Hashem says, My head hurts Me and My hand hurts Me. If your head hurts you, you’ve got a migraine headache, Hashem has a migraine headache. If you have a pain in your arm, Hashem has a pain in the arm. We are bonded with Hashem. It says in the midrash that Hashem considers us His twin, and by twins there’s a phenomenon that Chazal say, that if one has a headache, the other one has a headache. So too, Hashem says, עמו אנכי בצרה (Tehillim 91). When you’re suffering, I’m suffering. It says any yeshuah, any salvation that comes to Klal Yisrael is considered a salvation for Hakadosh Baruch Hu, like it says עמו אנכי בצרה, I’m with you in the tzarah, and the end of the passuk says ואראהו בישועתי, I will see My salvation (ibid). When you have a salvation, Hashem has a salvation. Your yeshuah is Hashem’s yeshuah. It says: יגל ליבי בישועתיך, my heart will exult in Your deliverance (Tehillim 13:6).  Rav Avahu says, this is one of the most difficult pessukim – to say that the yeshuah of Hashem is the yeshuah of Klal Yisrael. But that’s how it is.

Rav Chaim Volozhiner explains it with a good mashal.  In modern terms, imagine a father sees his kid driving a car wildly down the hill. The father could see that big sign, “Road Ends.” And the father is watching his son speeding down the road, and he starts to scream. “Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Don’t do it!” The kid is like, “Ahh!” He’s joyriding. He’s having fun. Or you have a kid running on a roof, and the kid doesn’t realize – he’s running off the roof. Now, what happens? Is the father in pain when that kid falls down and breaks himself into pitzelach? Absolutely. His father is in a lot of pain. So what you’re supposed to realize is that our pain is Hashem’s pain. Hashem told us not to do certain things, and we don’t listen. We do what we want. And now you know what happens? Hashem says, “I’m in pain from your pain. So your yeshuah is My yeshuah.”

A kid should feel bad and say he’s sorry. He should say to his father, “Dad, I’m so sorry for causing you to go through this, for putting you through this.” That’s what we’re supposed to say to Hashem. “I’m sorry, Hashem, for putting You through this.” And then when a person does that, the effect that it has is that his yesurim depart. The yesurim go away. That is an amazing key to how to daven.

Let’s say a person davened to Hashem, “Hashem, I’m very sorry that Your malchus is not recognized.” I remember going to the Kosel one time. And I’m walking down the hill, on the road. Suddenly, in front of me, I could see the beginning of the Kosel. And I see this big golden dome. I had a whole paper, a list of things I was planning to daven to Hashem for. I’m looking at this Kosel, and I see the golden dome, and I say to myself, “How could you think about your needs now? This is the Beis Hamikdash. This is the place where Hashem desires to dwell in this world together with His kinderlach. This is the headquarters for all avodas Hashem. Hashem, I’m so sorry. You must feel terrible to watch this big golden dome going up on Your makom hamikdash, not by Your chosen seed, but by a rejected brother.” Yishmael was rejected. Yitzchak was the chosen son.

Feeling Hashem’s Pain

I thought of a mashal at that time. Imagine you grew up in a certain house, and then one day somebody comes into the house with a bat. Maybe a couple of guys come in with a bat. They start to break the windows, and they break the house apart. They beat your father up and put him in a hospital. They do the same thing to your mother. It’s geferlach. And they never heal from it. Ten years later, you come back to that city, and somebody says, “Would you like to drive by the house where you grew up?” You say, “Okay, let’s go there.” You go to the house. You look at the house and you see it was never fixed up. It never was put back together. There are some goyim living in that house. You know what you would do? You burst out crying. The memories that you had, and how it ended up being so geferlach.

I thought about the little that I know about the churban Beis Hamikdash,and I said,“Hashem, the sonim came,Your enemies came and they rebuilt their whole tiflah on Your makom hamikdash.”That’s how you daven to Hashem. I took my piece of paper and said, “Forget about me. My needs are unimportant. I’ve got to daven for the kavod of Hashem.” It’s a makom of tefilah. When you go to the Kosel Hama’aravi, and you daven there, you’re telling Hashem, “I acknowledge this is Your makom hamikdash. This is the last remnant of Your home. This is still Your place.” The shechinah doesn’t go away from that place just because this other thing went up there. A person has to think about that. Give that consideration. That’s how you beseech Hashem.

When you say to Hashem, “Please, Hashem, השיבנו אבינו לתורתיך,” you know what you’re saying to Hashem? “Help me do teshuvah because as long as I don’t do teshuvah, the problem is I’m going to be causing You pain all the time, and I don’t want to cause You pain. Hashem, forgive me because I don’t want to cause You pain.”

Hashem should redeem us – so it shouldn’t be a chillul Hashem. And so on and so forth for every bakashah. And if you daven to Hashem in that fashion, you will then, without a doubt, be matzliach to get answered.

If you’re not going to think about this before you start to daven,your tefillos will struggle to get up to Hashem. But if you will think about talking to Hashem and you’ll think about the desecration of Hashem’s name, and you will express your feelings and how much you care about Hashem’s honor, it’s a different type of tefillah.

How to Daven for a Shidduch

I tell people who are davening for a shidduch, “How do you daven for a shidduch?” What are most people davening for when they daven for a shidduch? Theybeg Hashem, “I’m lonely. My cousin is married. My brothers are married. My younger sister is married. I’m so lonely. I’m so bitter. My parents are just in so much pain for me. Everybody who sees me looks at me like I’m a nebach. I’m not a nebach. Hashem, give me a break. Send me the shidduch!” 

Where do we learn about how to daven to Hashem? The great tzadeikis Chana. And do you know what it says? ‘ותתפלל על ה. She davened al Hashem. You know what she said to Hashem? “Hashem, You created me a woman and You built into me a functionality, ‘machines’ that could produce children, feed children, and raise children. Hashem, if You don’t give me a child, Your whole creation that You created is going to be for naught. It’s going to be for waste. And Your intended kavanah will not be reached. Please, Hashem, give me a child so that I can raise that child for Your honor, Hashem.” Amazing! And Hashem said, “Bingo! That’s how you daven. You’re going to have a child.”

Here is a young lady or a young man who is looking for a shidduch and the shidduch always seems to be just a little beyond his or her reach. I asked him, “How do you daven?”They all tell me the same thing. “I feel bad. I feel depressed. I feel lonely. I’m unhappy. I’m bored. I’m losing my friends.” Whatever the nuschaos are. They’re all true. But don’t daven that way. Say to Hashem, “Hashem, You created me a woman. In the gemara it says that when a girl is born You say בת פלוני לפלוני. You gave me a zivug. You paired me up with somebody. You even identified that ploni. You gave him a name and You created him. Hashem, for Your kavod make it happen. I want to raise a family. It was Your intention that I should be married and have a family. If that’s Your intention, Hashem, I’m davening for Your intention to be realized.” If a person does that and he reaches out to Hashem, that person will be matzliach, and his tefillos will be answered.

And you’ve got to cry out. You’ve got to cry, and you’ve got to mean it. You’ve got to think about it. If I was a parent and I had a child, if I brought this child into the world, I would love to see nachas from that child. I would love to see the child functioning, developing, growing. That’s what parents want. You think Hashem wants any less? There are some people who feel terrible for their parents when they don’t get married. I think most feel bad for themselves, but also for their parents. You have to transfer that feeling to Hashem. And when you do that, and you’re davening ‘al Hashem’then you will have brachah vehatzlachah in all areas that you require.

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^[i] והרשות נתונה לכל אדם לעשות ולדבר ולחשוב גם מה שהוא נגד תאות לבו והפכה ממש. כי גם בשעה שהלב חומד ומתאווה איזו תאווה גשמיית, בהיתר או באיסור חס ושלום, יכול להתגבר ולהסיח דעתו ממנה לגמרי, באומרו לליבו: “אינני רוצה להיות רשע אפילו שעה אחת, כי אינני רוצה להיות מובדל ונפרד חס ושלום מה’ אחד בשום אופן, כדכתיב: (ישעיהו נט ב): “עונותיכם היו מבדילים וגו'”; רק אני רוצה לדבק בו נפשי רוחי ונשמתי, בהתלבשן בשלושה לבושיו יתברך, שהם מעשה דיבור ומחשבה

^[ii] ולכן אמר איוב: (בבא בתרא טז א): “בראת צדיקים וכו'”, וכדאיתא בתיקונים, שיש בנשמות ישראל כמה מיני מדרגות ובחינות: חסידים, גיבורים המתגברים על יצרם, מארי תורה, נביאים וכו’, צדיקים וכו’, עיין שם. ובזה יובן כפל לשון השבועה, (נידה ל ב): “תהי צדיק ואל תהי רשע”. דלכאורה תמוה, כי מאחר שמשביעים אותו “תהי צדיק”, למה צריכים להשביעו עוד שלא יהיה רשע? אלא משום שאין כל אדם זוכה להיות צדיק,ואין לאדם משפט הבחירה בזה כל כך, להתענג על ה’ באמת ושיהיה הרע מאוס ממש באמת. ולכן משביעים שנית: “אל תהי רשע” על כל פנים, שבזה משפט הבחירה והרשות נתונה לכל אדם למשול ברוח תאוותו שבלבו ולכבוש יצרו שלא יהיה רשע אפילו שעה אחת כל ימיו, בין בבחינת “סור מרע” בין בבחינת “ועשה טוב”. ואין טוב אלא תורה, דהיינו תלמוד תורה שכנגד כולן.

^[iii] אך אף על פי כן צריך לקבוע לו עיתים גם כן לשית עצות בנפשו להיות מואס ברע, כגון בעצת חכמינו ז”ל: (שבת קנב א): “אשה חמת מלאה צואה כו'” וכהאי גוונא. וכן כל מיני מטעמים ומעדנים נעשים כך חמת מלא כו’. וכן כל תענוני עולם הזה, החכם רואה הנולד מהן, שסופן לרקוב ולהיות רימה ואשפה. וההפך, להתענג ולשמוח בה’ על ידי התבוננות בגדולת אין סוף ברוך הוא כפי יכולתו, אף שיודע בנפשו שלא יגיע למדריגה זו באמת לאמיתו כי אם בדמיונות, אף על פי כן הוא יעשה את שלו, לקיים את השבועה שמשביעים “תהי צדיק”, וה’ יעשה הטוב בעיניו, וכו’ [ועוד, שההרגל על כל דבר שלטון, ונעשה טבע שני. וכשירגיל למאס את הרע, יהיה נמאס קצת באמת. וכשירגיל לשמח נפשו בה’ על ידי התבוננות בגדולת ה’, הרי באתערותא דלתתא אתערותא דלעילא, וכולי האי ואולי ייערה עליו רוח ממרום, ויזכה לבחינת רוח משורש איזה צדיק שתתעבר בו לעבוד ה’ בשמחה אמיתית, כדכתיב:(תהלים צז יב): “שמחו צדיקים בה'”, ותתקיים בו באמת השבועה שמשביעים, “תהי צדיק”]

^[iv] כתוב בס’ בנין עולם (ר’ דוד אברהמי): “וְזֶה לְשׁוֹן סֵפֶר דִּבְרֵי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ (מ”ב פֶּרֶק ט’) לְעִנְיַן תְּפִלָּה עַל הַצְלָחַת לִמּוּדוֹ: דַּע בֶּשֶׁמִּתְפַּלֵּל הָאָדָם אֶל הַשׁי”ת שֶׁיַּצִילֵהוּ מִיֵּצֶר הָרַע וִיזַכֵּהוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת רְצוֹנוֹ יִתְעַלֶה תָּמִיד, תְּפִלָּה כָּזֹאת הִיא חֲשׁוּבָה מְאֹד וּמוֹעֶלֶת. וְטוֹב לוֹ שֶׁיַּקְדִים שִׁשָּׁה תְּנָאִים וְעַל יְדֵי זֶה תִּהְיֶה הַתּוֹעֶלֶת הַיּוֹצֵאת מִן הַתְּפִלָּה גְדוֹלָה מְאד בעזהי”ת. א, יֵבוֹשׁ וְיִכָּלֵם עַל עֲוֹנוֹתָיו וְיִצְטַעֵר מִזֶּה צַעַר חָזָק. ב, יִכְאַב לְבָבוֹ עַל אֲשֶׁר קָצְרָה יָדוֹ מֵהוֹשִׁיעַ אֶת עַצְמוֹ מִיַּד יִצְרוֹ, וְקָשֶׁה לוֹ לַעֲמֹד כְּנֶגְדוֹ, וּמְחַיָּב הוּא לִזְעק לִפְנֵי הַמֶּלֶךְ ה’ צְבָאוֹת שֶׁיְחוֹנְנֵהוּ וְיִפְדֵהוּ מֵרֶדֶת שַׁחַת. ג, יוֹתֵר רָצוּי שֶׁתִּהְיֶה הַתְּפִלָה בַּלַּיְלָה שֶׁאָז הִיא מְעוֹרֶרֶת אֶת הָאָדָם בְּיוֹתֵר. ד, יְכַתֵּן לִבּוֹ בִּתְפִלָּתוֹ עַד אֲשֶׁר תְּבִיאֵהוּ אֶל הַבְּכִי, כִּי הַבְּכִי הוּא תּוֹעֶלֶת גָּדוֹל לְהַשִׂיג סִיוּעַ מֵהַשׁי”ת אֶל הַתְּשׁוּבָה. ה, לֹא יִסְמֹךְ לִבּוֹ עַל תְּפִלָּתוֹ, וּמֵחֲמַת זֶה יִתְרַשֵׁל ח”ו בַּעֲבוֹדָתוֹ לְבַל יַעֲשֶׂה בָּהּ אַף כְּפִי יְכָלְתּוֹ. ו, יוֹתֵר רָצוּי שֶׁיְצַמְצֵם זְמַן תְּפִלָּתוֹ בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁמַּרְגִישׁ בְּנַפְשׁוֹ הֵיוֹתָהּ אָז קְרוֹבָה לִקְדֶשָׁתוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ, כְּגוֹן שֶׁלָּמַד תּוֹרָה הַרְבֵּה, אֲשֶׁר עַל יְדֵי זֶה זוֹכֶה לְקִרְבָתוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ, אוֹ עָשָׂה מִצְוָה הַמְשַׁמַּחְתּוֹ כִּי אָז תְּפִלָּתוֹ יוֹתֵר רְצוּיָה לְהִתְקַבֵּל, עכ”ל. וְאֵין לוֹ לְעַכֵּב תִּפְלָּתוֹ עַד שֶׁיִזְדַּמְנוּ לוֹ כָּל הַתְּנָאִים הַנַּ”ל, אֶלָּא יִתְפַּלֵּל בְּכָל זְמַן שֶׁנִּצְרָךְ וְהַקב”ה שׁוֹמֵעַ תְּפִלָּה בְּכָל עֵת, אֶלָּא שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ לְנַצֵל אֶת הַתְּנָאִים הַנַּ”ל בְּאֹפֶן מְיוּחָד.”

^[v] וז”ל: נראה לע”ד לפרש עמ”ש הרב מוהרן שפירא זייל דכל תפילה שמזכירים בה זכות אבות אברהם יצחק ויעקב ע”ה מיד הם נענים וכתב הרב סעדיה גאון זייל דאפ”י אדם שאינו הגון לשמוע ה’ בקול תפילתו אם הוא מתפלל לצורך גבוה בעבור כבודו יתברך מיד הוא נענה כיע”ש וזה רמז הכא באומרו ונצעק אל הי דצעקתינו היא בעבור כבוד הי לא לנו הי לא לנו כי לשמך תן כבוד ועוד הן בה דבתפילתינו אמרנו אלהי אבותינו אלהי אברהם אלהי יצחק ואלהי יעקב ועי״ז וישמע הי את קולינו, וכו’.

^[vi] כי באמת יפלא איך שייך לבקש להתחנן כלל לפניו ית”ש להסיר מעליו צערו ויסוריו. כמו בענין רפואות הגוף. הרופא משקהו סמנים חריפים או אם הרופא מוכרח אף גם לחתוך אבר אחד לגמרי שלא יתפשט ארס החולי יותר. האם יתחנן אליו החולה שלא ישקהו הסמנים או שלא יחתוך האבר. הלא החולה עצמו שוכרו לכך. כן איך ישפוך שיח לפניו ית”ש להסיר מעליו היסורים. הלא המה רטיה וסמא דחיי לכפר עונותיו. כמאמרם ז”ל (שבת נ”ה א’) אין יסורין בלא עון. ואם לא אפוא. נפש החטאת במה תתכפר. אמנם תכלית הכוונה. צריכה שתהיה רק צורך גבוה. כי במקום שיש חילול שמו ית’ כגון צרת כלל ישראל. באמור עם ה’ אלה והמה מוכים ומעונים. מחוייבים לבקש ולשפוך שיח לפניו ית”ש על חילול שמו ית’. ואך למען שמו יעשה. וגם היחיד על צערו אף אם אין חילול השם בדבר. יש מקום ג”כ* לבקש לפניו יתברך על גודל הצער של מעלה בזמן שהאדם שרוי בצער למטה. כמאמרם ז”ל במשנה פ”ו דסנהדרין אר”מ בזמן שהאדם מצטער שכינה מה הלשון אומרת קלני מראשי קלני מזרועי, וכו’. (נפש החיים, שער ב י״א)