Chayei Sarah 5783: The Foundation That’s Chessed

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Parshas Chayei Sarah: Shidduchim, Marriage and Stories With Autistic Children (5774)

A Good Ishah and A Bad Ishah

This week’s parshah is the parshah of zivugim. The gemara in Brachos (8a)says when a man married a woman, they would ask him the following: מָצָא או מוֹצֵא, as the passuk in Mishlei (18:22) says: מָצָא אישה מצא טוב – he who finds [motzo] a wife finds goodness, or [motzeh] מוֹצֵא, as the passuk in Koheles (7:26) says, מוֹצֵא אני מר ממות את האישה – I find [motzeh] the woman more bitter than death.[i] It could be the ultimate tov or it can be the ultimate ra.

Now the shaylah is, if מה’ אישה לאיש, how could it be ra? So how is it shayach that an ishah should be ra for a person? If זיווגו של אדם comes from Hakadosh Baruch Hu,[ii] we know that מפי עליון לא תצא הרעות – no evil comes from the Mouth of Hashem!? (Eicha 3:38)

The teretz is the gemara says in Moed Katan (18b). Rava once heard a person davening a tefilah bekavanah, and he was saying: “Ribono Shel Olam, put in that woman’s heart that she should be maskim to marry me.” There was a certain woman who he decided would be good for him, so that he should be able to marry her. אמר לו רבא, Rava said to the man, “Reb Yid, don’t daven like this!” Why not? Listen to what he said: “If she’s your zivug, she won’t get away from you, and if she’s not your zivug, מה לך לצרה זה, what do you need this tzarah for?”

But the guy didn’t listen. He davened like that anyway, and Hashem answered his tefilos. The lady decided to marry him. After a while, Rava bumps into him and he sees the guy davening veiter. Rava hears him davening and you know what he was saying? “Ribono Shel Olam, either take me out of the world or take her out of the world.” It got so intolerable, the guy pashut was now davening to meet Dr. Death. You see, he was a fineh ba’al middos. A regular guy would have sent her down the road. But the guy understood, I davened for her, so at least, I have 50% responsibility. He wasn’t aza tzaddik. He wouldn’t take it all on himself but 50%. He said, “Hashem, either me or her.”[iii]

The Chasam Sofer writes in the name of his rebbi, the Hafla’ah that this is the pshat in the gemara in Brachos (ibid), that when a man would marry a woman, they would ask him מצא או מוצא. What’s the pshat? Says the Hafla’ah, Rav Pinchas Halevi Horovitz (1731-1805), לעולם מצא אישה מצא טוב – it’s always מצא אישה מצא טוב.You know why? Because מה’ אישה לאיש. Every time a shidduch comes to you from the Ribono Shel Olam, it has to be tov. There’s no place for ra. But, if a person is מוצא אני, that means he davened for a specific woman, he davened that she should say yes to him, it was מוצא אני, meaning he was poel with his tefilah to marry this specific woman – and it’s shayach, the gemara says, to daven for thatand get the zivug – then it’s going to be for you מר ממות (a bitter end).

How In The World Will I Find A Shidduch?

Similarly, people explain it on the same lines, if a person attempts to find a shidduch for himself. Recently, a fellow came here, a young-looking fellow from a chashuve yeshivah in Eretz Yisrael. He was a talmid chacham. He was a meyuchas, and he got divorced. Now he was looking for a second wife. He asked me, “Nu, maybe you have someone for me?” I said, “How old are you?” The guy looked mamash not a day over 35. He told me he’s almost 50. I said, “You look very young.” He said, “I know. I want somebody who’s going to take me thinking I’m 35.” Ahhh – already he’s מוֹצֵא אני! He’s ‘looking for.’ Then, he started to get into a whole shmooze with me. He told me he needs somebody who’s very good looking. Somebody who has yichus. Somebodywho has money. “Do you have a job?” “No, I don’t have a job.” “Do you have any money?” “Nah, but I look good, don’t I?” And he wanted somebody young, somebody this, somebody that.

I explained to him, “I see you didn’t learn anything from your first mistake.” I said, “Tell me which yeshivah did you learn in when you got married the first time?” He told me he learned in a chashuve yeshivah.  He started telling me how his wife was now running around with young Israelis, half her age. He said, “She has no bushah. She comes from a very frum neighborhood (where they lived) and she pashut talks to my friends  in front of everybody.” He says, “It was a bushah.”

I said, “How did she become like this?” He said, “You know, we got married. I was young. I thought I wanted this. I thought I wanted that.” I told the guy, “That’s the pshat. You were ומוצא אני מר ממות את האשה (ibid), that means whenever it’s מוצא אני, it’s going to be מר ממות.” I told the guy, “You’re making such a mistake, because you’re repeating the zelbeh shiur over.” I told him, “Your wife did things that al pi halachah, it seems, you had to get divorced.” If a wife is not loyal, not an ishah kesheirah, you have to get rid of her. “But I see now you’re doing the exact same thing over.” I said, “Tell me, what wife is going to want to marry a shnorer? Because you look 35? You understand? You have a very poor record.” He replied to me, “Nah, it’s not me.” I said, “Listen. If you think to yourself ‘I’m going to try to find myself the woman’ – that’s called מוצא אני, and then it’s going to be מר ממות. The approach to a shidduch has to be, ‘Ribono Shel Olam, how in the world do I know where to find a shidduch? How in the world do I know what’s good for me? How do I know?’ It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. You’re going to pick out a needle in a haystack?!I said. “Don’t you chap there’s no such thing?”

I talk to people and I say, “What are you looking for?” and they give me a whole list. Then I say, “It will be a neis if you find a shidduch. And if you find the shidduch you’re looking for, it’s going to be מר ממות.” The guy says, “What?” I say, “You’ve been reading too many secular advertisements. If you ever look in goyishe advertisements where they’re seeking a shidduch, the stuff they write – looking for a guy who enjoys this, looking for a guy who likes long walks that go nowhere, looking for a guy who likes to hike in the woods – I mean silly things. They have nothing to do with a wife or a husband.. But it’s all מוצא אני and that’s why it’s all מר ממות.”

I told the guy, “What you have to daven for, is that Hashem should give you the brains and the siyata dishmaya, that your stupidity that you have baked into yourself, is not going to be monei’a (prevent)your shidduch, and that when Hashem sends the shidduch that is supposed to be for you, you’ll take it. That’s the biggest siyata dishmaya.”

My zeida (HaRav Avigdor Miller) used to say, “You should get married young and dumb.” Everybody likes to quote that line. It’s Rabbi Miller’s line – “young and dumb.” The people who say it over are not that wise, because they have no idea and no musag what my zeida was saying. What he was trying to say is that shidduchim come from Hashem. When you’re young, you don’t think so smart. You don’t think you have experience. You know you’re dumb. So then you’re going to be maskim to accept what Hashem sends you. But when you get older, then you become a ‘smart’ mentsch. You’re experienced. You think you know better. So you say, “I don’t know. I don’t see. I don’t feel it. I don’t this, I don’t that. My kidneys are not ‘dancing’ over here. It’s not שישו מעי. It’s not this. It’s not that.”

Rabosai, you have to understand, that’s what you have to daven for from Hakadosh Baruch Hu – that you’re going to be maskim to accept what Hashem brings for you.

Your Shidduch is From Hashem Even Though…

Now, I don’t believe there’s anyone in this world who hasn’t been challenged by the yetzer hara after he got married, like, “Whoops, I think I might have made a mistake,” or “I think I could have done better,” or “I tried but I can’t say I lucked out and hit the jackpot.” I don’t believe there are many people that aren’t going to say that.  So now, when a person faces that challenge – and believe me everybody’s got good reasons, believe me there are good reasons – but the person has to ask himself one thing: “What am I trying to do? Am I trying to become a מוצא אני את האישה after I got married?” That’s what happens. That’s the challenge that Hashem gives you after you get married. It’s called והסר שטן מלפנינו ומאחרינו (“remove the Satan from in front of us and from behind us”) – couldn’t I have done better? Before I got married, she said everything I wanted to hear. “You want to grow?” “Oh yeah!” “Are you a warm person?” “Very warm.” “Do you want to grow? Are you going to be my mate? Are you going to be excited for growth?” “Oh, of course.” Then as soon as you get married, do you know what they say? “Grow up. Don’t get so excited. What, you’re going to give away all our money to tzedakah?! What do you think, I should be a slave?!” And etc, etc.

So what does a person have to tell himself? Here is the answer: Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants me to live with this person. Do you know why? Because every one of us came to this world to fulfill a tafkid. Now, I don’t know exactly what the tafkid is, but what Hashem does is that He puts me in situations that challenge me. Those challenges make it as clear as possible for me to have an awareness of what my challenge is. If you forget about your tafkid in this world, then you see each individual episode as, “Okay, this is Episode 39 – Take two: Tzaros on Tuesday. Take three: Tzaros on Wednesday.” If you look at the whole picture, that there’s one big movie and you’ve got to fulfill the role, the tafkid, then it’s a different story. You have to remind yourself that if you would have had any other wife in the world, you wouldn’t fulfill your tafkid.

A Really Hard Case of Screaming

I once knewsomebody who had a wife that was not well emotionally. Nebach. She would scream and scream loud. I can’t tell you to what degree. But I’ll tell you that she screamed to the degree that a neighbor of theirs called me up one time. I didn’t know him, and I started talking to him and I’m hearing these noises in the background. I said to this neighbor, “Excuse me, is everything alright there?” He said, “Well, actually, that’s why I’m calling you.” I said, “What is that?” He said, “That’s someone screaming.” I said, “Who’s screaming?” He said, “My neighbor.” I said, “No, you’re joking!” “Actually, it’s my neighbor’s wife, and it’s really impacting on our shalom bayis, because the screams are happening every single night, and it sounds bad.” I said, “Why are you calling me?” “Because you have a hashpa’ah on that person. I did some research, and I found out that you have hashpa’ah on that person. I want you to help him, and try to save the matzav.”

I called the fellow up, and I said, “I heard something interesting. I heard shreiing bekol ra’ash gadol.” He said, “From where?” I said, “I was in Cleveland, and I heard it from another state. I heard it klar.” He said, “No.” I said, “Yeah. I happened to be on the phone with your neighbor, but I heard a kol ra’ash gadol.” I asked the guy, “Do you have any idea how often this happens? Does it happen once a week?” “No, it’s every night.” I said, “Really? Is it like some kind of vampire thing, that at night she comes out of the woodwork?” He said, “No. It could be during the day too. Whenever it gets a little stressful.” I said, “How many times a night would you say?” He says, “I learned to just tune it out. I have a family to deal with so I tune it out.” I said, “But how could you live like that?” He said, “Well, I have a lot of pairs of headphones, and I listen to shiurim.” I said, “What do you mean you have a lot of pairs of headphones?” “Oh, because every time I put one on and my wife sees me listening to a shiur, she comes over and she breaks it, so I keep a stock of them hidden on the side.” I told the guy, “Are you serious?” He was very serious. I said, “How do you live with this?” He said, “I’m not sure. I’m living, but I’m not sure how.”

I said to the guy, “Let’s discover what the cause of this is.” Now, there was no safek it was an untenable situation. If the lady just had a high volume pitch, okay. If she just broke headphones, okay. But she was not well. What he told me was just the tip of the iceberg. With an iceberg, you can’t see how much is under the water. You only see what’s above water. They look huge above the water. They say what’s above the water is only a part of what’s under the water.

So the guy started telling me about his life. I said, “How could you live like that?” He said, “I have children. I don’t know what to do.” I said, “Maybe getting remarried?” But then he said, “Do you think I should?” I said, “No.” I said, “Listen, the Torah says, if there’s a devar ervah then you can get rid of a wife. It doesn’t say if a wife is not well. Withthat, you stay with the wife. It doesn’t say you divorce a person for that.” I asked the guy, “Are you shteiging?” “I shteig,”he tells me. I said, “At least you’re shteiging.” He said, “I go to yeshivah. That’s my greatest time.” Four or five hours of seder, the guy has moradike koach. He can hold in learning, “With no screams, very quickly I get into Rav Chaim, I get into learning. I’m out of the picture. She takes care of things. She’s a good cook. It’s not like she doesn’t cook.”So I said, “You know what? Let’s call the autistic children.”

Awed by Communicating With Autistic Kids

Now, we’ve been out of this for many years already, but there was a tekufah where we did some very interesting research into communicating with autistic children. There were a number of books that were published about something called “facilitated communication.” It’s known as FC. Facilitated Communication was a discovery made by a woman in Australia, who figured out how to communicate with autistic kids. They could reveal stuff that blew your mind. They were aware of stuff. She is a goy, and so she would ask them, “What do you like? What don’t you like? What do you want? What don’t you want?”

After I read about this, I read another Jewish book on this subject. I was extremely intrigued by this, to say the least. I did a lot of research with Syracuse University’s research material. They had 500 facilitators on staff. It was an amazing discovery. Now, they weren’t using it for spiritual or kosher purposes. They were using it for regular types of things, such as asking an autistic child: “What would you like for supper? Do you like this? Are you happy?” Usually when you talk to autistic kids, they don’t talk back to you. But this way, at least, they were talking and communicating.

They started doing it in Eretz Yisrael. There was a Yid,Rav Yisrael Elya Weintraub (1932-2010), a very big tzaddik, whose daughter worked with autistic children. One day she asked the kids, “What would you like?” She was surprised when they said, “We’d like to go to your father.” She said, “My father? What’s with my father?” They said, “Your father is a very big tzaddik,”and they wanted to hook up with him.There were all kinds of stories. They revealed tremendous revelations.

We had a talmid here, a doctor who used to live here. I told him about it. I said, “You know what, doc? How about we go to Eretz Yisrael, and we check it out firsthand for ourselves. Let’s go incognito, and what we’ll do is, you get dressed exactly like me.” He had a beard anyway. I said, “Grow it a little longer. I’ll make mine a little shorter. We’ll go there dressed the same, with a jacket, a hat.” We flew to Eretz Yisroel. We stayed in Yerushalayim and we called up that institution. It was up north in Zichron Yaakov. I said, “Could we come?” They replied, “Who are you?” I said, “I’d rather not say my name, but I’d like to come visit your facility.” They said, “Okay, you can come.” Before we left Yerushalayim, we stopped off at a bakery and bought some cookies for the trip. Zichron Yaakov is a long trip. It’s up north. We got into a car, and we traveled there.

We came to the place. It was a home situation. It was a home for about six or seven kids. The son of an American Rosh Yeshiva was also there. He was one of the bachurim. He was acting wild that day.

When we walked into the room, we saw six mentally retarded children in different stages of retardation, and they were sitting on the floor. There was a yungerman learning Tur. He was learning Tur hilchos tevilas geirim. And on the floor and on the couches, there were these six boys sitting around. They were going like this, “Maaaa. Guuu. Ayaya,” just like you could expect. There was nothing here. No mystical stuff. I said to the yungerman,“What is that that you’re doing?” He said, “I’m learning hilchos tevilas geirim.”I said, “You’re learning hilchos tevilas geirim with them?!He said, “I could learn anything with them. They have tremendous pleasurefrom limud haTorah.”And the kids were all shukling, and they were looking at the ceiling and they were going like this, “Uuuuuuuuuu, aiaiai.” I felt funny as soon as I came there. I said, “I think I’d better go home. This is not working out here.”

The yungerman said to me, “Ask them a shaylah.”I said, “Excuse me?! Ask them a shaylah?!” I paused. “Okay. I want to ask you, does anybody know what ‘tevilas’ means or ‘hilchos’ means?” He said, “Ask them a real shaylah.” I said, “Okay. Does anybody know the shitas haRambam on the nusach habrachah of tevilas ha’ger?It’s a machlokes Rishonim.”All of a sudden, they started jumping up and down. I said, “Oooh, did I set something off over here? What is going on here?” The rebbi gave one of them a card, and the child punched, “Baruch atah…” exactly like the Rambam! I said, “Who is cholek?” The child answered, “The Ramban says this and that.” I said, “Do you like learning Torah?” They started typing, “We have no mitzvah of talmud Torah. We are shotim. We are patur from taryag mitzvos.” So I said, “So then what’s your enjoyment?” They said, “The enjoyment is watching the malachim being created from each and every word and watching them go up to Shamayim.” All of a sudden, I understood. They were all looking up at the sky and going, “Uuuuuuuu.” They all get excited. They see one malach go up and another malach go up. That’s their hana’ah, their joy.

I started to get a little bit impressed. Now at that point, the lady asked my name. I said, “I’d rather not say my name,” because I didn’t want to compromise my anonymity. She said, “Oh, you’re here to test us.” I said, “No, I’m here to be mechazek people.” Bekitzur, I said, “I read a book and I saw that one of the fellows here is named Ben. Could we speak to him?” She said, “Sure.” So she brought out Ben from the group. (It wasn’t bitul Torah).We took out Ben from the group, and we sat down by a table. I sat in front of Ben, and the lady sat next to Ben, and the doctor sat opposite. She gave us pencils and pieces of paper. She said, “Now I want you to write down this message.” I said, “What message?” She said, “Ben will give you a message.” I said, “He will? Okay.” And the guy began to type on a card.

Everything Was Revealed

Now, they didn’t know what state I was from, or what my name was. They knew nothing about me. I made sure to take off all my “nametags.” I was sitting there, and I was writing down the messages. Ben related the following to me: “Go back to America, and tell them that they have to believe that Hashem created the world. Tell them the message that they have to believe. They don’t think Hashem is running the world.” I said, “We’re in a yeshivah.” I made sure to say “we.” He says, “I know. And in that yeshivah there are some very big talmidei chachamim, very big bnei Torah, but they don’t believe that Hashem is running the world. They think that people are running the world.” I said, “Do you know which yeshivah I’m in?” The guy spelled it out. At that point, a little something went up in the nape of my neck. He continued: “Give the message to the balebatim. Give the message to this person. Give the message to the roshei yeshivos. Give the message to the yungerleit.” He gave different messages to everybody. We wrote about three to four pages. At that point, we stopped. The boy wanted to relate something. The lady asked him, “Who is this for?” He replied, “For the man sitting in front of me.” I said, “Why me and not him?” He said, “You are a medaber leha’am, you speak to the people. You speak to the people so you have to give this message.” I said, “What about him?” He said, “He doesn’t do avodas Hashem.”The doctor popped up and asked the boy, “Should I quit my job and do avodas Hashem?This is what he typed for the doctor: “Why ask me? Ask your rebbi. He’s sitting next to you.” It was mind boggling! We spent about three hours in this place. It was the closest I ever got to Shamayim in this world. I asked him about talmidim.

We asked him other shaylos. He said, “Ask rabbanim.” I said, “Who should we ask?” He said, “In America, where you come from, there are two people, two gifts Hashem gave America. Rav Avigdor Miller and Rav Matisyahu Salomon. Ask them.” So the doctor said, “They’re hard to access.” The boy replied, “Your rebbi has access to them. He’s connected.”It was a pelah, not stam. A pelah!

Then at the end, we finished. We went to see the kids again. All of a sudden, one of the kids was going azoy, “Gegi gegi.” They wanted cookies! So the lady said that they don’t have any cookies. He said, “Eeeeeeee.” I said, “Where are the cookies?” He said, “Eh.” They pointed outside. “Go outside and get the cookies from the car!” It was mind boggling.

The yungerman told me that he had a very difficult time, because he would take a train from Bnei Brak so he could learn with them. When he got there, if he ever looked at something that wasn’t proper, he would come in, and they would attack him. They were right. Don’t bring tumah pictures here! He said, “It’s shrek, I’m on a train. What should I do?” I said, “Don’t look and don’t bring pictures in here.”

Then the boy told me a message to give to my wife. He said, “Your wife thinks that you’re working too hard and sometimes you don’t spend enough time with her. You’re busy with the people. Tell her she’s 100% shutaf (partner) with you in everything you do.” I didn’t even  mention one thing about this. It was frightening. They knew my grandfather, my father. It was amazing what they knew!

You Have the Kochos to Mesaken Yourself!

So, going back to the earlier story, I had this guy whom I told you his wife was going nuts on him, and the guy had it tough in this world. I told the guy, “Call up the kids. Find out. What do you have to lose?” “No, I spoke to this rav, that rav.”I said, “Call the kids.” The guy called the kids. I said, “But you’ve got to call me right back.” This is what the child said. The child gave him such chizuk! Listen to what he told him. He said, “This is your zivug amiti. You have to be mesaken yourself in this world. In the last lifetime, you treated her poorly. Now, you have to be mesaken every single thing.” And he said, “Vaharayah, the proof is the kochos that Hashem gave you to be able to be omed on this nisayon. Everybody marvels at your kochos. Everybody can’t understand. How could you stand this? And the answer is because this is your tafkid, so you’ve been given the kochos. And you’re even into learning. You have kochos to learn! Another person wouldn’t have the kochos.”

Then the man asked the child, “Is there a way for me to minimize it?” He said, “Yes. Do the following and you’ll minimize it, but it’s not going to be easy for you. It’s against your nature.” But he said, the last parting thing he said was, “Don’t feel bad. A lot of people in the city where you live” (and he mentioned the city), are also struggling very much in shalom bayis. You’re not alone in the world. Don’t think everybody else has it so great.”

It was just mind boggling.

Everything Is From Hashem, Every Shidduch

Rabosai, the bottom line is ומוצא אני את האשה מר ממות, but if it’s מה’ יצא הדבר – it’s מצא אישה מצא טוב. That means the following. If you had any other wife in the world, your life would be a total failure. Total destruction. Your life would be a guaranteed waste. Here, a guy gets a wife. He thinks, “I should have married a rosh yeshivah‘s type of wife. I married this type. I married that type.  What did I have to do this for?” Remember this question: If Hashem brought it to you, it was from Hashem with intention. For Hashem to bring that shidduch to you, He had to create so many different backgrounds and so many different situations, conditions, because you never would have done it otherwise. There are people who you never would have looked at. If you were blind, you wouldn’t go out with them. Hashem had to, pashut, create such situations for you to go out with her. You know why? Because Hashem knows this is how you fulfill your tafkid. This is your zivug. This is your tafkid. Someone who says, “If I would have known… I wouldn’t have done it. I would have had better kids. My kids are sick. My kids are this or that.” That’s also from Hashem. Everything is from Hashem.

If a person doesn’t understand this, he will daven, “I want to marry this type of girl, I want to marry that type, I want to marry this.”  Just daven that I should marry the type that’s for me. And if you get one and you hit difficulties, then know, this is your own doing.

When I heard this guy’s difficulties, it wasn’t stam. Money. She wanted things. One day, this lady woke up and said I want expensive jewelry today. I want a bracelet like I was a kallah. Her husband said, “You have one already. You got one.” “Today!” she said. He said, “I’m not sure I have enough money.” I said, “Today!” She’d go bonkers. And then he went to an adam gadol, and the adam gadol said, “Buy it for her.” He said, “I just don’t have money. Should I go collecting?” He said, “No. I’m going to give you the money.” He gave him $1,000. Then he came back a few months later, saying that she wanted something else. She drove him crazy. She wanted a new car and new sheitels. It was no picnic over there. But I told him, “That’s your life. That’s your life.”

If you understand that, Rabosai, then it’s מצא אישה מצא טוב.[iv]

[i] ומוצא אני מר ממות את האשה אשר היא מצודים וחרמים לבה אסורים ידיה טוב לפני האלקים ימלט ממנה וחוטא ילכד בה (קהלת ז׳:כו)

[ii] שלמה פרשת ואלה תולדות יצחק, ירויחו דורשי הפרשה וישכילו. וסמוך לליקוחי הרשע זיווגי הצדיק [“וילך עשו אל ישמעאל ויקח את מחלת” סמוך ל”ויצא יעקב מבאר שבע וילך חרנה”] זה שלש וזה ארבע, ללמדך שאין זיווגו של אדם אלא מאת הקב”ה, ושלש שעות בכל יום הקב”ה עוסק ומזווג זוגות, יש נושא במקומו, כגון אברהם לשרה, ויש שהאשה הולכת אל האיש, כגון רבקה ליצחק, ויש שהאיש הולך אצל האשה, כגון יעקב לנשיו, שנא’ אלהים מושיב יחידים ביתה מוציא אסירים בכושרות (תהלים סח ז), רננו צדיקים בה’ לישרים נאוה תהלה (שם לג א), וכו’ (מדרש שכל טוב, בראשית כ״ח:ט׳)

[iii] כי הא דרבא שמעיה לההוא גברא דבעי רחמי ואמר: תזדמן לי פלניתא. אמר ליה: לא תיבעי רחמי הכי. אי חזיא לך – לא אזלא מינך, ואי לא – כפרת בה׳. בתר הכי, שמעיה דקאמר: או איהו לימות מקמה, או איהי תמות מקמיה. אמר ליה: לאו אמינא לך לא תיבעי עלה דמילתא? הכי אמר רב משום רבי ראובן בן אצטרובילי: מן התורה ומן הנביאים ומן הכתובים – מה׳ אשה לאיש. מן התורה, דכתיב: ״ויען לבן ובתואל ויאמרו מה׳ יצא הדבר״. מן הנביאים, דכתיב: ״ואביו ואמו לא ידעו כי מה׳ היא״. מן הכתובים, דכתיב: ״בית והון נחלת אבות ומה׳ אשה משכלת״.

[iv] The following was a short Q&A session following the shiur:

Q: Why did Hashem make these children this way? Why did that person discover only now how to communicate with them? A: They said it was a chessed for the world right now, because there are a lot of ba’alei teshuvah and Hashem wants to be mechazek them in emunah. So Hashem presented this opportunity for chizuk in emunah and it was only going to last for a certain amount of time and one day it was going to stop. Q:Then what happened? A: One day, it stopped. Q: They don’t talk anymore? A: They only say: ”Ababababa dadadada.” Except if you ask them a question about a tzibbur. If you ask them, let’s say, what’s the message for the Wickliffe Yidden. What’s the message for the Cleveland Yidden? What’s the message for the New York Yidden? Then they’ll answer. There are a lot of similar answers. It’s either that everybody is worshiping the eigel hazahav, the golden calf, the money thing. People worship that. That’s their god. These are people with peyos mit shtreimlach, mit Lakewood. It’s interesting. They knew the chiluk between Wickliffe and Lakewood. It was not normal.They could say, for example, “There’s a tremendous sakanah for Klal Yisrael. I’m telling you, do something about it.” So then you come to them the next day and say what happened. He said, “Oh, it was averted.” Then I chapped. They just read what they see. They said, “Tens of times a day, Klal Yisrael is in such sakanos, and every time it gets averted.” I said, “How many times a day?” “Tens of times a day.” I said, “Oh, it just happened to be that at that time of the day, they saw something.” Q: Did the Rebbi feel closeness to reality as close as it could get? A: I was sure that afterwards I would lose my bechirah. I asked them this question. But now I’m getting the picture. You’ll never lose bechirah. It’s not shayach. The next day it was wearing off and then a few days later. Q: They can’t tell you the future? A: They didn’t tell asidos (future events).If you asked them about the halachah, they said, “Look in Shulchan Aruch. We’re not poskim. Ask a posek.” Q: Did Rebbi ask why Rebbi was zocheh to have the opportunity to share with other people and be machazek other people? A: Yes, because that was my role in life. Q: Did they say anything about the talmidim of Rebbi’s that were shocking to him? A: No. They would never tell you anything bad. They’re not there to give you bad stuff. They’re there to help everybody, what you should be mechazek and what’s your tikun in this world. To one person, they’ll tell about emunah. To another, about bitachon. It’s fundamentals. They don’t say, “You know, I ‘caught you’ now!”

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